Come Ask Alice
by Joanie-who-loves-you
Summary: I thought I'd actually do a fun fanfic for once : Details are inside, reviewing is VERY important !
1. Intro: Always Best to Review

A/N: Hey there~ :) It's Joanie… who *isn't* [totally is] neglecting her other fanfic to write this one, but hey, this one's got inspiration behind it. [It's cause I'm a lazy bum and don't want to admit it.]

Anyway, to introduce this fanfic… it's an advice column/a place to ask Alice a question. That's why this is called "Come ask Alice". xD Pretty ingenious, right?

This fanfic is powered by YOU.

Not me.

YOU.

But see, only because it's the first chapter, Alice and I are in a strange yet awkward conversation. The next one, you guys, [the reviewers] shall ask questions, and Alice will answer all of them.

Which means that yes, Alice will be inserting his big mouth in here plenty.

Alice: HEY, WATCH IT. I'm the star here, you know. If I quit, it's over.

Joanie: Alice, shut up. Right now you're kind of being puppeted by me.

Alice: Shit. At least I'm answering. You have the hard job.

Joanie: That's right. You guys have to ask AWESOME questions :)

Because if you don't...

Alice: *chuckles madly* You know what'll happen.

Yeahhh… So here we go.

**DISCLAIMER [late much?]: **I googled "How can I buy the rights to Pandora Hearts" and a Yahoo! Answers came up which said "You can't." So apparently I own nothing but myself. BUMMERRR. D:

Joanie: Hey again~ So today, we're just giving you a rundown. We need at least 5 GOOD questions from you reviewers for this chapter or it ain't happening. Questions for this chapter will be closed when I post chapter 2.

This "fanfic" will be closed when you guys give up xD [so… as long as you keep asking at least 5 good questions for Alice to answer, this fanfic will keep going and going and going and going, a lot like that Energizer bunny.]

Alice: I'm a bunny too~

Joanie: I think we all know that.

Alice: Just pointing it out.

Joanie: Mmhmm. Well, Alice, I hope you're getting yourself together, because tons of reviewers have tons of good questions.

Alice: What are the questions going to be about anyway?

Joanie: Whatever the reviewers want~ Real life problems, About you, about your world… things like that, y'know?

Alice: As long as it isn't about that seaweed-head and I, all questions are permitted.

Joanie: Aaa? Is there something going on there? *giggles insanely*

Alice: N-no! S-shut up!!! *smacks*

Joanie: Owwww. Geez, I was only kidding.

Alice: You KNOW they're gonna ask about that now! *pouts*

Joanie: Uhmmm… I don't know about you guys, but I'm not falling for it. It's up to you what kind of question you want to ask her.

Alice: *mutters* You never should have permitted love life questions.

:D YOU KNOW WHAT TO DOOO~

[Remember, in order for there to be a next chapter, there must be AT LEAST 5 GOOD QUESTIONS. A good question is a well-thought-out, no-loophole kind of question that won't let Alice back out of it.]

Soooo…

REVIEW. REVIEW. FOR PART TWO. :D


	2. First Set: Nothing like Blushing

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Pandora Hearts, I wouldn't be here writing fanfiction, now would I? No, I'd be drawing and inking~~!! :D [… or not? xD]

Joanie: Hey! It's Joanie, and today I had to drag our little sleeping beauty over here because she wouldn't move her lazy a--

Alice: I will cut you, you evil, evil person.

Joanie: Oh, come now, Alice. You'd have to do this later on anyway.

Alice: hn.

Joanie: Look, I'm sorry I woke you up. Happy?

Alice: No.

Joanie: Ugh, you never are. Anyway, our two lovely reviewers--

Alice: Whom I will never forgive.

Joanie: *sends eye knives Alice's way*

Alice: *avoids the eye knives by looking down*

Joanie: --Jenny-chan and RevansRubberDuck Darth Nimble [nice name xD] have submitted, in total, 12 questions!

Alice: Whoop-de-freaking-do.

Joanie: Okay, Alice! Jenny-chan's questions first, since she reviewed first. Question One: Do you like waffles?

Alice: Please tell me this isn't a reference to that one song by that one guy. And no, I do not like waffles.

Joanie: … How do you know Parry Gripp?

Alice: _*singsong*_ I'm only answering the reviewers' questions!

Joanie:_ *scoff*_ mean. Next question: What makes you feel emo?

Alice: …

Joanie: Come on, Alice. Nobody's going to tell.

Alice: Yeah, right! This is going to be posted on fanfiction, and then everyone's going to know!

Joanie: They won't tell, right, guys?

Alice: They can't hear you.

Joanie: Alice, just answer.

Alice: … As much as I hate to admit it, whenever I'm alone, I start to be plagued with the AWFUL presence of that "sister" of mine, and when my manservant's being all dark and psycho, it influences me too.

Joanie: awww, poor Alice-chan! _*huggles*_

Alice: **GET OFF ME.**

Joanie: Alright, geez… Third question. What's your favorite way to torture Giru-giru?~ xD

Alice: WHAT?! WHO'S THAT?!

Joanie: Gilbert.

Alice: Oh, the seaweed-head? *chuckles evilly.* Wellll… First I take my manservant and kind of get really close to him…

Joanie: LOTTIE-CLOSE?!

Alice: _*laughs maniacally*_ Yes, LOTTIE-CLOSE. That makes him get really angry. _*does impression of Gil*_ **"Get away from my master, you stupid rabbit!"** _*laughs*_ And then, I ask intentionally strange questions such as "Where did you go with my manservant last night" when I know they were both in the house. You should see it, it's pretty funny.

Joanie: Uh… huh… remind me never to get on your bad side.

Alice: _*dark, threatening voice.* __**You. already. have.**_

Joanie: _*nervous laugh*_ Next question. What's Oz's favorite way to torture Gil?

Alice: Again with the questions about seaweed-head? Damn. Uh… I think he gets cats and shoves them in his face. My manservant is a sadist.

Joanie: He gets it from you.

Alice: Go figure!

Joanie: Next one. Who would you rather punch, Break or Rufus?

Alice: Ooooh, that's a hard one! Uhmm… well they both annoy me, but I have to interact with the clown every day. I say the clown.

Joanie: Break it is, then. I'll be sure to tell him you said that.

Alice: _*squeals*_ NO, DON'T!

Joanie: I'm just kidding, you strange little child.

Alice: … I will KILL you.

Joanie: _*snorts.*_** TRY, you fictional character.** Next question: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Alice: Oh, I learned that one from Harry Potter!

Joanie: Wait a second, BACK UP. You have Harry Potter in your world?

Alice: Of course! Books are in every world, you know. I learned THAT one from Inkheart.

Joanie: Uh huh. You know what, just answer the question.

Alice: Well, the answer to that is " A circle never ends."

Joanie: Nicely worded.

Alice: YOU READ IT TOO!

Joanie: Oh, shut up. The next set of questions comes from Revans now. Question 1: Have you ever eaten rabbit meat, and if you have, do you feel you've eaten one of your kin? If you haven't, would you feel like you had eaten one of your kin?

Alice: Uh… wow… that's a thorough question.

Joanie: That's what I asked the reviewers for, dear Alice.

Alice: See, this is why I hate you. Now, to answer your question. I have eaten rabbit meat before, but only because that stupid clown snuck it onto my plate and afterwards told me I'd eaten rabbit meat. I thought it tasted a little bit off… Oh, and it didn't feel like eating one of my own kind. It just tasted a bit funny.

Joanie: Remind me never to mess with Break. Question 2: As a rabbit, shouldn't you be obsessed with carrots rather than meat?

Alice: Oh yes. I thought someone would ask that. See, when you've been in a blood-hungry place such as the abyss for as long as I have- a really long time- you start becoming carnivorous. The feeling envelopes you, taking you in, grasping you, and never releasing you. A warning: don't EVER get caught in the Abyss. You won't be as lucky as Oz.

Joanie: Holy crap, that's the most serious I've ever seen you, Alice.

Alice: It's a serious subject.

Joanie: Alrighty then, Question 3: How the heck do you wear such a short skirt and not flash anyone?

Alice: Oh. Uh… in actuality… Jun didn't want to draw my panties. So you don't get to see them. I think she wants to preserve the readers' innocence. That, and it's not a skirt; it's a skort.

Joanie: Okay, let me clear that up. We used that term a lot when I was a kid.

Alice: Be my guest.

Joanie: A skort is a skirt with shorts underneath, usually of the same color, that prevent little girls from getting raped by their male peers and also prevent tsundere chains from getting raped by trumps.

Alice: … Oh. Remind me to thank Alyss, will you?

Joanie: Will do. Question 4: Who do you prefer, Jack or Oz?

Alice: Oz. Times change, Joanie, and so do people. I fully accept that Jack is dead.

Joanie: 'Cause you know a piece of his soul is living in Oz's mind, right?

Alice: … WHAT?!

Joanie: Every intimate moment you've shared with that manservant of yours has been peeked upon by Jack...

Alice: No way. You're lying.

Joanie: I swear I'm not.

Alice: I hate you.

Joanie: Love you too. Question 5: Just because it'll annoy you, what's your status with Gil, and don't you think Oz would get a little jealous?

Alice: … what? The seaweed-head and I are bitter enemies. He calls me a stupid rabbit, and I, well, you know what I call him.

Joanie: Oh, sorry about that, Alice. It's cause you blushed in the intro when we were talking about him.

Alice: OH MY ABYSS I HATE YOUR STINKING GUTS.

Joanie: Calm yourself, child.

Alice: NO, I WILL NOT "CALM MYSELF". _*goes ballistic.* _

Joanie: … Your fault for reacting the way you did.

Alice: N-no, I just blushed cause I _remembered_...

Joanie: Aaaaa? You_ remembered_?~!!

Alice: … Let them ask if they want to. I'm not going to answer if they don't ask.

Joanie: Okay.

Alice: And why would Oz be jealous? It's not like we're… *blushes*

Joanie: Okay, you have to STOP BLUSHING and then maybe people will stop getting the wrong idea?

Alice: Blushing is an involuntary reaction to nervousness.

Joanie: Wise-ass.

Alice: Jealous.

Joanie: Question 6: Waffles, French Toast, or Pancakes? And you can only pick one to be your favorite.

Alice: See, here's what I don't get: What's with all the breakfast options? I want BACON. WITH EGGS. I do not like waffles or french toast. I can tolerate pancakes but only to a certain point. Oz gets me bacon. He's a GOOD manservant. I bet if any of you were my contractors, you would shove those freaking pancakes down my poor bunny throat.

Joanie: Descriptive much? Sounds like you've gone through it before.

Alice: Alyss.

Joanie: That one name explains so much.

Okay, everyone, you know what to do! In order for there to be a next chapter, you must

REVIEW.

REVIEW.

REVIEWWWW!!

Alice: THEY GET IT, JOANIE. Review.

Joanie: Go ahead, click that little button that says "Review this Story/Chapter" in awesometastic green text!

Alice: WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?!

--

A/N: xD I think that this fanfic will either make me a really good writer or make me have MPD. Come on, guys. One more time. If you want answers to your questions…

REVIEW.

Because Chapter 3's not coming to your doorstep just like that.

Oh and one more thing. When I said at least 5 questions, I didn't mean one person had to ask all five questions! I meant 5 ALTOGETHER. Silent readers, thank Jenny-chan, our anon reviewer, and RevansRubber Duck Darth Nimble for your new chapter.


	3. Second Set: Drama, Drama, Drama!

A/N_: OH YES; NEXT DAY WRITTEN&UPLOADED._

Have I ever mentioned how much I love our reviewers?

Cause I do love you all, really. Alice does, too. See, look! She's frolicking over there, all happily cause we got so many questions this time!

Alice: I'm sorry; In what world am I FROLICKING? And why would I be so happy over questions?

Joanie: Hush, hush, Alice. Be nice.

Alice: *snort.* I hate you.

Joanie: The reviewers have niiiice questions this time! Our first reviewer for chapter 2 was DeathGirl742. We are still going to be answering all your questions, don't worry.

Alice: It's because this one over here likes to write.

Joanie: Okay, that's a fact. Let's begin, then, Alice!

Alice: Oh, JOY.

Joanie: First question: What's your favorite color?

Alice: My favorite color? I haven't really thought about it. Probably green.

Joanie: … is there a special reason for that?

Alice: Your rule: I have to answer the REVIEWERS' questions; not yours. So shut up.

Joanie: Aww, you meaniieee. Next question. Who do you prefer, Oz or Gil?

Alice: Oz, of course. I'd take my manservant over the seaweed-head any day!

Joanie: Ha. Of course you would. Our next set of questions comes from SugaRVisioN. [I like your name too!]

Alice: Off-topic, Joanie. Get your head back in here.

Joanie: Oops, sorry, Alice. Okay, the first question: You have pretty long hair, what shampoo do you use?

Alice: Oh, thank you! Well, now Sharon makes me use shampoo, because when I was in the abyss, I didn't have anywhere to wash. But it didn't matter since time moves differently there. We don't get dirty. To answer your question, I use this really weird shampoo, and I don't know its name… but I do know that it's fruity and makes everyone smell my hair a lot.

Joanie: Okayy… too much information.

Alice: Hey, she asked, I answered.

Joanie: True. Question Two: Do you like Sharon, and how do you feel about how uncomfortable she makes you feel using that big sister method?

Alice: Oh… hum… I'm not obliged to answer that. She'd kill me if she read it.

Joanie: Alice…

Alice: Oh, fine. Just promise me you won't tell Sharon.

Joanie: My lips are sealed. I don't know about the rest of them, but my lips, at least, are sealed.

Alice: I trust them more. Anyway, Sharon's pretty nice, but she's dangerous when she's in her feminine mode. I stay away from her and hide in the cupboard. Which, strangely… leads outside. That's not normal. I don't like her onee-sama mode either. She's weird when she does that.

Joanie: Uh… huh… okay… Question 3: Ever heard of the story, Alice in Wonderland?

Alice: Of course. What, did you forget we have all your books on this side as well as ours?

Joanie: Yess.

Alice: Be quiet, you. Anyway, that's probably my favorite book ever written.

Joanie: Ah, yes, Lewis Carroll was amazing. Question 4: Who do you like better, Break or Gil?

Alice: I would take ANYONE over that clown. He abused me in ways never thought of.

Joanie: I'm not even going to ask. Question 5: You have nicknames for people. What's a good nickname for Joanie? [Oh, this should be interesting…]

Alice: Shotacon.

Joanie: WHAT?!

Alice: I'll say it again: Sho-ta-con.

Joanie: I do NOT like little boys!

Alice: Oh, yes you do, you pedophile.

Joanie: NO! You don't even know me that well, you strange little evil demon child!

Alice: OH YEAH. And nerd. You are a nerd.

Joanie: WELL YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAVE A NICKNAME FOR YOU TOO.

Alice: Oh really? Let's hear it.

Joanie: Moronic Meat Muncher.

Alice: SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME.

Joanie: WITH PLEASURE. MORONIC MEAT MUNCHER.

Alice: WHY, THANK YOU, I TAKE THAT WITH PRIDE.

Joanie: You disgust me.

Alice: Same goes to you, you Sharon-copycat.

Joanie: You know what? I'm just going to walk away.

Alice: *chicken sounds*

Joanie: *vein appears on forehead* Next question. Do you have any fears or phobias?

Alice: I'm scared of being left alone. Obviously. I'm also scared of scissors, Vincent Nightray, the clown, Sharon, and Glen.

Joanie: Okay! Hope that answered all your questions, SugaRVisioN. Next set is from, again [Okay, you get Abyss cookies for this.]

Alice: *interjects* Who'd want those?

Joanie: A lot of people, now be quiet. The next set is from RevansRubber Duck Darth Nimble [whose name I really do like.]

Alice: Oh, goodie. is this the one who wanted to torture me with that question about the seaweed-head?

Joanie: Don't get distracted. Oh, there's a special message for you included with the questions! It says,

"Alice… I WOULD TOTALLY NOT STUFF PANCAKES AND STUFF DOWN YOUR THROAT!! I WOULD BE FIGHTING YOU FOR THE BACON FOR I AM A FELLOW CARNIVORE!! And people get nervous when things get close to the truth… such as… YOU LIKING OZ AND YOUR AFFAIR WITH GILBERT?!?!!?"

Alice: *spits out juice*

Joanie: … Where'd you get that?

Alice: vending machine *points.*

Joanie: We're in a white space, where's your little vending machine?

Alice: Maybe you should look where I'm pointing.

Joanie: Oh, never mind that. Just respond or something.

Alice: You do know I'd win the bacon fight, right? I'll just get Oz to help me fight. Fellow carnivore, MY ASS.

Joanie: ALICE! Be nice to her!

Alice: HELL NO! SHE THREATENED TO FIGHT ME FOR BACON!

Joanie: I'm on her side, just so you know.

Alice: Who cares? I'm still going to win. Anyway, I do NOT like Oz… in that way… And it's all the writers' faults that i'm in an affair with the seaweed-head! I don't even like him!

Joanie: Alrighty. Let's actually get to her questions now. Question 1: From the previous set, what did you remember, Alice? Okay, let me clear it up for you, dear.

_From the previous set: _"Joanie: … Your fault for reacting the way you did.

Alice: N-no, I just blushed cause I _remembered_...

Joanie: Aaaaa? You_ remembered_?~!!

Alice: … Let them ask if they want to. I'm not going to answer if they don't ask."

Alice: Oh… dammit. Uhmm… See, I actually visit this site to read fanfictions… and I found a couple… with me and the seaweed-head.

Joanie: Oh no.

Alice: Oh yes. It was awful. I don't have any feelings like that at all!

Joanie: Sure you don't.

Alice: I DON'T. And if you don't believe me… Oh well, you don't believe me. What can I do?

Joanie: Attagirl. Question 2: Wills you be ma friend? :3

Alice: … what kind of question is that?!

Joanie: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: A very good one, now answer.

Alice: Oh, fine. What harm would it do?

Joanie: Aww, she's getting open-minded! That's so sweet~!

Alice: *darkly* **Don't push your luck.**

Joanie: *eyes widen* geez. Question 3: Which toe is your favorite toe?

Alice: I HAVE TOES?! Just kidding. Uhm, well, I don't have a favorite.

Joanie: Wow. Uh… that question…

Alice: Yeah.

Joanie: Next one! Question 4: Have you ever had a haircut?

Alice: Oh, every month. My bangs grow like a normal person's, you know.

By the way, what's with these questions about my hair?

Joanie: It's cause nobody can get hair like yours. Heck, I've tried.

Alice *smug grin* I guess I'm special!

Joanie: VERY. Okay, serious question about your past. Do you think Glen was your dad?

Alice: Oh, hum… He had my eyes, I'm told. Nobody else I know has amethyst eyes. I'm also told that my personality is like his…

Joanie: Oh, so you talked to Jack, then? Or you acquired a piece of your memory?

Alice: For the reviewers to ask, and for Joanie to ponder.

Joanie: Okay then~ Question 7 seems to be scary for you. It's all in caps.

Alice: Uhmmm… tone it down, please?

Joanie: Gotcha. "Do you have any intimate sisterly love pictures of you and your twin? If so, can I have a copy?"

Alice: WHAT?!

Joanie: OOH! I HAVE ONE! [as do the rest of the pandora hearts fans.]

Alice: Again, WHAT?!

Joanie: It's all over Google Images.

Alice: For the last time: WHAT?!!!

Joanie: *cheerily* If you'd like it, I'll PM it to you!

Alice: NO, DON'T DO THAT! WAIT, I DON'T REMEMBER TAKING THAT PICTURE!

Joanie: *singsong* Yess, but that's you, alright!

Alice: *sulks*

Joanie: Okay~ Revans had a question specifically for me. So, I will now answer that.

Alice: Oh wow, we get to see Joanie herself answer a question.

Joanie: The question was: "I don't suppose we could throw a dare in, could we?"

And the answer to that is YES. YOU CAN. AND I WILL RECORD THE ENTIRE THING FOR YOU.

Alice: OH NO YOU WILL NOT!

Joanie: Ohhh, yes I will. Remember? Puppet show, my darling.

Alice: No way.

Joanie: Yes way.

Okay, everyone! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW OR YOU'LL NEVER GET TO GIVE ALICE A DARE!

**[Okay, REALLY LATE DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Alice, Pandora Hearts or Google Images.]

Click "Review this Story/Chapter" if you want another set.

33 We're waiitinggg…

Alice: I'M NOT!


	4. Third Set: Seven Days! :O

A/N: OKAY, it must be said:

MY REVIEWERS ARE THE EPICEST EVAAARR!!

Really! It's only been what, a day since I posted the last set and already I have 11 questions and a dare.

I love you guys, keep reviewing!

--

Joanie: HI THERE.

Alice: *groans* You're embarrassing, go away.

Joanie: *grins* HA! Never.

Alice: She freaking dragged me the hell out of bed to write this stupid chapter. I NEED AT LEAST FOUR HOURS TO DIGEST, YOU MORON!!

Joanie: Oh, shut up, Alice.

Alice: Make me, and we'll see how you fare.

Joanie: Old english much? ANYWAY *cuts off Alice's retort* Revans has, again, reviewed our set. [She reviewed first.] Our second reviewer to the second set is Vampire148. Our third reviewer is omgitsangix3 aka my cousin. [No special treatment for you, hon, you reviewed third, you go third.] Alice will be answering in that order.

Alice: Ugh, you sound so professional.

Joanie: This is BUSINESS.

Alice: No, it's not.

Joanie: YES IT IS--- Moving right along, Revans gave us FIVE questions~! The first question is: Why don't you have a favorite toe? Mine's my little toe cause it's small.

Alice: Oh no. Okay, here we go. *monotone* I don't have a favorite toe because I don't like to stare at my toes and I have better things to do than decide which toe I like best.

Joanie: Oh, like being here?

Alice: QUIET, YOU. It's only cause you lured me here with some awesome meat and then captured me and won't let me go.

Joanie: hah, yeah. Question Two! If you could only keep one finger and have the rest cut off, which would you pick to keep?

Alice: The middle finger.

Joanie: Obvious. Question Three: Why exactly do you hate your sister? I mean, I know she kinda tortured you… but she's really cute and adorable.

Alice: EXCUSE ME? Cute and adorable? Anything but. SHE LICKS BLOOD. HOW IS THAT CUTE OR ADORABLE?! AND OH MY ABYSS, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT DISGUSTING DOLL SHE CARRIES AROUND? UGH!

Joanie: Looks like you harbor some really bad feelings for Alyss.

Alice: Oh, don't get me started.

Joanie: I thought you already had. Huh. Question 4: Do you really hate being on this um… 'show'? Really? Are we that repulsive to you? Even I, whom is your newfound friend? Even Joanie here who is currently giving you life?

Alice: Look here, sweet pea. She KIDNAPPED me and brought me to an abandoned insane asylum where she started freaking HARASSING me by waking me up early every day!! She did not 'give me life'

Joanie: Oh yes I did, and don't you backtalk to the readers, Alice.

Alice: Haha, no, see, there's where you be quiet, Joanie, you little kidnapper.

Joanie: Lookie here. I seem to have a special tape…

Alice: WHAT?! NO!! DON'T SHOW THAT!!

Joanie: I'll show it at the end.

Alice: SEE?! SHE'S RUINING MY REPUTATION.

Joanie: Answer the rest of it.

Alice: I hate this show, I hate Joanie, why do you keep trying to torture me, and you aren't repulsive, you're just… misunderstood. ESPECIALLY YOU, "FRIEND". If you were my friend, you wouldn't subject me to this torture I call living.

Joanie: Aw, Alice, surely you don't mean that.

Alice: Yes I do.

Joanie: *whimpers* Meanieee. *returns to businesslike attitude* Question 5: Do you like platypi?

Alice: OOH! WHAT'S THAT?!

Joanie: It's a mammal that lays eggs.

Alice: What's a mammal? Can I eat those eggs? Are they edible?

Joanie: We're getting you a tutor. Let's move on to Vampire148's questions.

Question One: How often do you get jealous of Gil?

Alice: I… I do not!

Joanie: Let's face it, Alice, you're a red-faced angry freak when you see him and Oz interacting.

Alice: N-no!

Joanie: Whatever you say. Question Two: How often do you read?

Alice: Whenever I'm bored. They leave me alone in the house with my manservant sometimes, so I just go to the library to read.

Joanie: She's so oblivious. *sighs and shakes head* Question Three: Do you agree with the statement, "Weird is good. Strange is bad. Odd is when you don't know which one to call someone." ?

Alice: Uh, no. Weird is bad, strange is bad, odd is bad. People are scared of being different. I'm not, though!

Joanie: We all see that, every day. Especially me, who has to deal with you and your demands.

Alice: Maybe if you hadn't kidnapped me, I wouldn't demand anything of you!

Joanie: … Question Four: How do you feel about being a bunny?

Alice: It's fun. Especially when I kill other chains.

Joanie: A bunny, Alice, not a chain.

Alice: Oh, that. That's fun too!

Joanie: Alrighty then. Question Five: What kind of chocolate do you like?

Alice: ALL KINDS. I won't turn down a birthday present of either meat ( my favorite ) or chocolate (my second favorite.)!

Joanie: *singsong* I know what I'm getting a certain someone for her birthday!!

Oh, there's a note attached to the review…

Alice: Well, what's it say?

Joanie:

" On a side note [be sure to tell Alice this]: I have hair that's identical to Alice's. Not so special anymore, are you? :P "

Alice: Yeah, well you don't turn into a 9' 5" rabbit with an awesome scythe, do you?

Joanie: I'd be scared if she did. Which brings us to the final question: Why do you look so much like Vampire148?

Alice: Aha, no. YOU look like ME. I was born… Joanie, when was I born?

Joanie: Ahh, according to Mochizuki-sensei, you were born about 124 years ago.

Alice: Right, thanks. I was born 124 years ago. I don't think you've been around that long, have you?

Joanie: Hey, maybe she went into the Abyss for a vacation? I go there sometimes.

Alice: That explains SO MUCH.

Joanie: Next set! Angie's questions now… Ready, Alice?

Alice: KILL ME.

Joanie: Here we go! Question One: Do you like Oz?

Alice: Yeah, but not in THAT way!

Joanie: Sure you don't. Question Two: Why do you hate Gil and Break so much?

Alice: The clown just plain scares me. The seaweed-head annoys me. That answer your question?

Joanie: … Question Three: What was it like in the Abyss?

Alice: It was cold and dark. It was sad.

Joanie: I vacation there every two months!

Alice: Freak.

Joanie: Bite me. Question Four: How old are you?

Alice: Uh… Let's see, I was born 124 years ago… Technically I'm supposed to be 124 years old, aka DEAD by now… but I'm a chain so, in body I am fourteen years old, about to be fifteen.

Joanie: Wow. Question Five: Do you like Joanie?

Alice: No. I hate her guts. I'm a fictional character and I can't be history. JOKE'S ON YOU!

Joanie: How on earth did I get the idea to kidnap you?

Alice: I don't know. You're crazy.

Joanie: OKAY!!! I RECORDED THE DARE. Happy, Revans? ;D

Alice: NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! DON'T SH-

Joanie: *puts on tape*

_Seven days…_

**Wrong tape**.

_*camera shifts around a bit, blocking the image of whatever you're supposed to see; it's pitch black. Quiet static sounds are in the background.*_

_Unknown Person: Okay, now Alice sits here, Oz over there, and Alyss, you can sit there._

_Alyss, apparently: You said Jack was going to be here. Where's Jack?_

_Unknown Person: He's here, actually. So uh… here we go. _

_*Camera moves to see the entire room, which is slightly small, but cozy. The floors are white and red checkered, and the walls are covered with bold red and white draperies. There's a large table with three chairs in the middle of the room. Two almost identical, if not for their different color schemes, short girls are seated across each other with a blonde, green-eyed boy sitting on the other side of them. He looks very, very scared.*_

_Oz: What's the meaning of this?_

_Cameraperson [Joanie]: Oh right, this was a dare._

_Oz: And why am I here?_

_Joanie: About that, the dare included you and Alyss._

_Oz: I really don't want to be here right now._

_Joanie: Shut up and have tea._

_Alice: I agree with my---_

_Joanie: ah, ah, ah! You have to be nice to both of them. Unbelievably nice._

_Alice: … I agree with… Oz._

_Alyss: Is Jack here?_

_Alice: * almost makes a retort *_

_Joanie: ALICE._

_Alice: Fine, I'll be good. A-a-alyss, Jack is here._

_Alyss: Where?_

_Alice: In Oz's brain._

_Alyss: Could you call him out for me?_

_Oz: He's actually pretty weak. I don't think he can come out right now._

_Alyss: I. WANT. JACK._

_Oz: I'm his great-great-great-great-great-great nephew?_

_Alyss: *sniff* Oh well, I guess. *sits down daintily.*_

_Alice: *stiffly* Would… you… like… some… sugar… with… your… tea… *chokes* d-d-dear… *chokes some more* s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-ist-t-t-t-t-er?_

_Alyss: *smiles* Oh, yes, I'd love some._

_Alice: *tries to avoid touching her hands or her cup or anything.* _

_Oz: Ha, Alice is so funny when she talks with her twin._

_Alice: It's NOT FUNNY._

_Oz: Well, I'm enjoying it._

_Joanie: *cheerfully* Then, would Oz like to be a guest on the show for next time?_

_Oz: I'll think about it._

_Alice: OZ, I ---_

_Joanie: ALICE. _

_Alice: Okaay, damn it! _

_Alyss: Oh my, Alice's language is so vulgar._

_Alice: *bites back retort.*_

*Fast-forwards tape to end*

_Alyss: I hope you come back next time!_

_Alice: *cheery laugh and wave*_

_*door shuts*_

_Alice: She is the slaughter._

_Oz: I dunno, that was kind of fun._

_Joanie: So, Oz, do you think you want to guest-star next time? *wink*_

_Oz: *grins*_

_Alice: WHAT'S THE JOKE?!_

_Oz: Oh, nothing…_

_Joanie: Yeah, it's nothing…_

_*tape cuts off*_

*laughter*

That was fun.

Alice: NO IT WASN'T.

Joanie: Okay, Alice, go to bed. I'm going to talk with our dear reviewers now.

Alice: Good night.

--

A/N: Okay, I'll let you in on the secret.

Oz is the one who asked me to kidnap Alice and make you guys ask her questions.

Sharon agreed. So did Gil, Break, Alyss and Jack.

Alice will NEVER know until I tell her.

So, remember: REVIEW. Because it's important.

- Joanie.


	5. Fourth Set: GUEST APPEARANCE: OZ!

A/N: Sorry, everyone~ it's been 4 days since I last updated and I have 3 reviews.

Okay, since everyone is intent on drowning Alice with questions, she wants at least 10 for the next chapter. [easy enough. You've all been doing just that, anyway.]

Here we go naaaaoooo~

--

Joanie: I LOVE OUR REVIEWERS~_ *grins ecstatically*_

Alice: What did you smoke?

Joanie: I don't need to smoke to be hyper-- I'm insane enough as it is.

Alice: True that.

Joanie: ANYWAY. Revans has a whole STACKLOAD of questions, as does Vampire148… and Oz has decided to make a guest appearance.

Come on out, Oz~

_Oz steps into the vicinity._

Joanie: Awkward child, sit, sit.

Oz: _*sits*_

Joanie: Attaboy~ Now… we had a dare for you from Revans and I want to see if you can keep it up throughout this set. You think you can do that?

Oz: I guess…

Joanie: _*smiles… evilly.*_ Good. _*whispers in his ear:*_

**[["She said she dares you to act REALLY in love with Alice to creep her out and see how red she'll go."]]**

Can you handle it?

Oz: _*grins and tries to hide it.*_ I'll… try…

Joanie: _*stifles laughter*_

Alice: What's so funny?!

Joanie: Nothing, nothing. Let's get to Revans' questions now.

Question One: In order, what're your favorite meats?

Alice: Hmm… In order… I like beef, turkey, ham, chicken, and pork.

Joanie: Nice one.

Oz: Alice's hair is so pretty~

Alice: … What's with people and my hair?

Oz: _*smells Alice's hair*_ Wow, what shampoo have you been using?

Alice: _*flushes*_ Oh, you haven't been reading the sets.

Oz: _*smiles slyly*_

Joanie: O-okay… Question Two: Do you like crackers?

Alice: Gag and choke me, HELL NO!

Oz: Because my Alice is sweet like the sweetest cookies ever baked~

Alice: W-what?!

Oz: Mmm… I wonder what she tastes like…

Joanie: PDA IS NOT OKAY.

Oz: _*shoots dirty glare at Joanie*_

Joanie:_ *realization dawns* _Oh… holy… shit… Revans, you've created a MONSTER. _*coughs to alleviate the mood a bit*_ QUESTION THREE~: How does it feel technically being the oldest in the group yet, always pushed… especially by the youngest AKA seaweed-head?

Alice: _*shying away from Oz's face, which is somehow getting closer to Alice's lips* _He's… not… the… youngest…

Oz: Yeah. Giru's probably the 2nd oldest next to Alice…

Alice: The youngest would probably be… Oz. Uh… wow.

Oz: NO! THAT WOULD BE SHARON.

Joanie: Whoah, SOMEONE'S upset about their age.

Oz: I am not.

Joanie: Mmhmm. right. Question Four: Do you have a magical toenail?

Oz: _*eyes boggle*_ What kind of questions are these?!

Joanie: _*suggestively*_ Maybe you should read some of the other chapters, Oz?

Oz: Well, sure.

Alice: Will you let me answer or what?

Joanie:**IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE;;; SHE'S ACTUALLY ANSWERING OF HER OWN FREE WILL.**

Alice: AM NOT!

Joanie: ARE TOO!

Oz: SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!

_*Alice and Joanie stare*_

_*Oz clears his throat*_

Alice, come here.

Alice: _*eyes widen*_

Oz: _*whispers something in Alice's ear*_

Alice: _*eyebrows raise*_

Oz: _*whispers quicker*_

Alice: _*goes beet-red.*_

Joanie: Wow. What did you tell her?

Oz: Let's just say she's getting a really nice present when I let--- I mean, when you let her out of here.

Alice:_ *still red*_ Anyways, NO I DO NOT HAVE A MAGICAL TOENAIL.

Joanie: Okay, Question Five: Have you ever thought that Alice in Wonderland actually applies to your adventures with your manservant and sub-manservant? [sub-manservant being Giru-giru.]

Oz: Is that what you call him?

Joanie: Only when I'm bored.

Oz: I'll be sure to tell him.

Joanie: Go ahead, and mention the fact that my favorite character from Anne of Green Gables was GILBERT BLYTHE. _*winks*_

Oz: _*vein appears on forehead*_

Joanie: Ohohohoho, I've touched a nervee~ Like master, like servant.

Alice: You'll never let me answer. Okay, fine. I won't and let's see what happens.

Oz: Alice, you have the prettiest eyes ever… *looks into her eyes for a bit.*

Alice: Oz…

_*hits on head with miniature lavender louisville slugger from behind*_

It won't work.

Oz: Itte… itte...

Joanie: Wow! She actually spotted it! _*eyes pop*_

Alice: That was the dare, wasn't it?

Oz: Alice is NOT cute _*pouts*_

Joanie: Uh, playboy, listen, maybe your hosting skills don't work on tsundere charas.

Oz: Good point.

Joanie: Okay, Alice, you can answer now.

Alice: FINALLY.

Joanie: Aww, she likes us now~!

Alice: No, I just want to go and talk with Oz as soon as this is over.

Anyway, I've never noticed it before… Oz's name isn't in it, and neither is Gilbert's...

But I have seen Ada, his annoying sister---

Oz: HEY!

Alice: _*continues*_ and Lacie.

Joanie: Which brings us to the next question: Who'd you prefer to be your mother, Lottie or Lacie?

Alice: Lacie. I never knew her. Lottie is an evil chick.

Oz: She tried to corrupt me!

Alice: …

Joanie: Ara? That's why Alice hates her, isn't it!?

Alice: IS NOT!!!! … maybe… a little.

Joanie: _*smiles* _thought so.

Question… what number are we on? _*counts*_ SEVEN: Have you noticed that in the manga, you're starting to become a neglected character?

Alice: That reminds me, didn't our new chapter come out on the eighteenth?

Oz: Yeah, but TBA just released the scanlated version~

Alice: Oh, and I make an awesome appearance there!

Oz: Yes, you do!

Alice: I LIKE THIS CHAPTER.

Joanie: I do too~

Oz:_ *goes a little red at the thought of…* _

Joanie: Oz, you okay?

Oz: Never been better.

Joanie: Okay, good. Cause there's also a dare for Alice here.

Revans dares you to answer all of my questions that I'd asked in previous sets.

Alice: WHAT?! NO FAIR! And this one's supposed to be my friend. Hmph.

Joanie: Alice, you know the drill…

Oz: You can't refuse to answer anything. Not one thing. You have to answer all of the reviewer's questions/do all their dares.

Alice: DAMMIT!

Joanie: We'll… save it for the end.

Let's get to Vampire's questions now. Question One: How do you do that weird Pikachu thing? Like how you get whenever Break ticks you off?

Alice: I do a weird… Pikachu thing?

Joanie: Yeah. I think there was an example in an extra of the anime… Extra # 2?

Alice: Ah, hum… He just annoys me to no end. It can't be explained.

Joanie: Okay, Question Two: Can you shock people with that freaky pikachu power?

Alice: Uh, if I could, I would have shocked that clown long ago, believe me.

Oz: Yeah, she hates his guts~ Although I don't know why… Break's nice, Alice, even though he's annoyed and scared you countless times. You should thank him for saving you at Cheshire's place.

Alice: _*snort*_ Yeah, that's funny, Oz.

Oz: No, Alice, you should really thank him.

Alice: What, for using me to gain my memories?

Oz: … He still saved you.

Alice: WHO GIVES A SHIT!?

Joanie: STOP IT. My god, you're worse than a married couple. You're like a married couple with kids.

Oz & Alice: SHUT UP!

Joanie: THAT'S WHAT I MEANT TO SAY! _*gets angry.*_ CAN I ASK THE NEXT QUESTION NOW?!

Alice: FINE.

Joanie: THANK YOU. Question Three: WILLZ YU BE MAH SISTER?!?! 8D

Alice: No. Two is enough, thank you.

Joanie: You're so mean to the reviewers… Question Four: Which do you favor most: being unique or not being lonely?

Alice: I HAVE TO CHOOSE?

Joanie: Yes.

Oz: _*listening intently*_

Alice: I'd rather have company…

Joanie: Awww… Question Five: Which would you dislike most: being blind or being deaf?

Alice: Blindness. Being deaf would mean not having to hear that STUPID SEAWEED-HEAD'S voice. or that clown. I prefer that.

Joanie: We're firing off rapidly now! Question Six: Chocolate covered meat or meat stuffed with chocolate?

Alice: Chocolate-covered meat.

Joanie: Nice. Question Seven… isn't a question? _*stares at question*_

Alice: Well, hurry up, what's it say?

Joanie: … Live chicken in a tub of squid ink?

Alice: That's not a question!

Joanie: There's a question mark…

Alice: Uh… Manservant, help me out with this one!

Oz: _*woken from his reverie*_ Wha?

Alice: _*sigh* _Well, he's no help. Uhm… I'm guessing the question means would you eat live chicken in a tub of squid ink?

Joanie: Let's assume that's what it means.

Alice: Alrighty then. Uh… no.

Joanie: Okay, that concludes Vampire's questions… Moving onto angie's. Uhmm… she repeated one, so I'll take that out… The actual question one: Should I tell Joanie to stop torturing you?

Alice: … I've tried to tell her that countless times, it won't work. *sigh*

Joanie: Sure as hell won't!

Oz: _*coughs*_

Joanie _*rolls eyes*_ Question Two: Do you want a boyfriend?

Alice: _*blushes*_ What!? NO! I… I have to look for my memories.

Joanie: That's what you're NOT doing over here~ _*singsong*_

Alice:_ *snaps*_ MAYBE I WOULD IF A CERTAIN SOMEONE HADN'T KIDNAPPED ME!

Joanie: AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?! LITTLE GIRL WHO LIKES MEAT TOO MUCH FOR HER OWN GOOD, ALYSS WOULD LURE YOU INTO THE ABYSS IN A SECOND!

Alice: HMPH!

Joanie: QUESTION THREE! Oh god, this is awkward… uh… I'll try to rephrase as best as possible. When you got drunk in retrace 28/episode 20, Oz saw your chest… [assumed] Why did you proceed to take off your shirt with a boy in front of you?

Alice: … WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH WHOAHHH. REWIND.

Joanie: _*sigh*_ I knew this would happen…

Alice: I WAS DRUNK?! I THOUGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED! I woke up with a pounding headache… _*gets out the cpu*_

Oz: … _*was just mind-raped by the reminder of the event.*_

Joanie: _*shakes head*_ Angie, you mind-raped Oz.

Alice: Answer: I WAS DRUNK, MY DEAR! And he didn't really see my chest. He covered his eyes, like a good manservant.

Joanie: … you remember that?

Alice: _*looks up from cpu*_ hm? Oh, no, I just read it.

Joanie: _*facepalm.*_ You read your own story?

Alice: _*like it's normal*_ Yeah.

Joanie: Uh… huh. Wow. Uhm… now we move onto the dare! _*grins evilly*_

MY QUESTIONS! _*laughs*_

Alice: _*cowers*_

Oz: _*bites his lip to keep from laughing*_

Joanie: QUESTION ONE! Is there a special reason that you like green?

Oz: _*looks up*_

Alice: _*looks from Joanie to Oz* _Uh… uhm… uh… PASS!

Joanie: _*exasperated* _You can't pass!

Alice: I'm passing.

Oz: No, Alice, answer the question.

Alice: Well, let me tell you one thing, it has **NOTHING TO DO** with a certain manservant's eyes…

Joanie: _*squeals*_

Oz: _*blushes*_

Joanie: THAT'S A GOOD ANSWER. I LIKE THAT ANSWER.

Alice: **I SAID IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!**

Joanie: REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY!

Alice: NO!

Joanie: _*singsong*_ I don't care what you saaaaaay, I'm gonna think it's that waaaaaaaaay~

Oz: _*choking on air*_

Joanie: Oz, you okay?

Oz: Y-yeah...

Joanie: Question Two! … There is no question two. Damn.

Alice: _*phew.*_

Oz: Aww. I wanted to see Alice blush a little more.

Alice: _*blushes* _WHA-WHAT?!

Oz: YAY! _*grins widely*_

Joanie: I'll make a question two. QUESTION TWO: Alice… have you ever gone absolutely insane with B. Rabbit's power ever since chapter two-three of the manga?

Alice: … Come to think of it, I haven't...

Oz: I HAVE THOUGH!

Joanie: Speaking of that, why do you think Oz goes insane and you don't?

Alice: I don't know… I want to ask that lady who draws us.

Joanie: mmhmm.

OKAY, THAT'S IT!

_*phew*_

Oz: I didn't get an answer to my question!

Joanie: _*growls*_ **Only. The. Reviewers. Have. Question. Rights. [and dare rights, too.]**

Oz: _*pouts*_ Okay then.

Joanie: REVIEW OR YOUR QUESTIONS SHALT NEVER BE ANSWERED!

Remember, they can be about anything and everything… as long as it isn't socially awkward. This is rated T, kids, not M!

[Plus some cute little kids like to click on T-rated stuff anyway-- THIS IS HOW OUR YOUTH IS CORRUPTED.]

You know you want to.

Click the button.

Go on.

Do it.

LOOOVEEEEEE…

ALICE, OZ & JOANIE! :D

Alice: WHO SAID I LOVED ANYONE?!!

Oz: Haha, Alice is so funny...

Alice: SHUT UP, MANSERVANT!


	6. Fifth Set: Reverse Psychology

A/N: It's illegal to love anyone this much.

Really.

Our reviewers are fantastic...

No, they're… EPICALLY ABYSSTASTIC!

:D

And, I feel so bad… I didn't include the disclaimer last chapter… but it was so perfect! 2,000 words exactly and a sablier at the bottom! TOO PERFECT D:

So the disclaimer for last and this set will be here...

**DISCLAIMER [so very late…]**: I don't own Pandora Hearts, Alice, Oz, Gil, Sharon, Break, Jack, Alyss, Vincent, etc. If I did, Pandora Hearts wouldn't be as epic.

--

Joanie: HELLOOO THERE!

Alice: I swear, you must have forgotten your meds when you were small so now you're a crazy little bi---

Joanie: *hisses* Say one more word and I will throttle you, Alice.

Alice: *gulp.*

Joanie: *smiles* So how was your Christmas?

Alice: You had your chance to ask last set.

Joanie: *rolls eyes* Whatever. Our first reviewer this set is REVANS~! :D

Alice: Lovely.

Joanie: *smirk* Admit it, you like being here and answering questions.

Alice: Never.

Joanie: I'll take that as you admitting it. QUESTION ONE! "Um… Alice… just what did Oz whisper in your ear after the magical toenail question?"

Alice: *blushes a deep red*

Joanie: Alice…?

Alice: Not telling.

Joanie: Alice, if you won't tell, I WILL.

Alice: *looks scared*

Joanie: I swear I'll tell.

Alice: FINE! DAMMIT! Does everyone get why I hate her now?! WILL OF THE ABYSS!

Alyss: Someone call?

Joanie & Alice: NO!

Alyss: Oh… okay. *leaves*

Joanie: *sickened face* Somehow I feel bad for lying to her, but then I get the feeling that if we didn't , we'd be stuck playing tea parties instead of answering questions.

Alice: *shudder* I'd rather answer questions here.

Joanie: You said it. Anyway, TELL THEM.

Alice: *glares darkly and then blushes* He… he said…

Joanie: Well? Spit it out; don't give yourself a brain hemorrhage!

Alice: DON'T RUSH ME, YOU LITTLE BIT-

Joanie: ALICE! No cursing!

Alice: What? I've said shit before…

Joanie: Cause I'm not fast enough to catch you saying that. Anyway, ANSWER NOW!

Alice: OH MY ABYSS, FINE! HE TOLD ME THAT HE'D BE WAITING OUTSIDE IN THE GARDEN UNDER THE MISTLETOE!!

Joanie: IT WORKED!

Alice: *covers her mouth* Oh f**k no. *beats on Joanie's head* IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU NERD!

Joanie: HEY, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FELL FOR IT!

Alice: *makes a sort of high-pitched strangled noise in her throat*

Joanie: *sly grin* Next question. What did you and Oz talk about? Or do…

Alice: *deep, deep red blush* Uhm…. Let's just say he gave me a christmas present.

Joanie: I'm assuming it involved mistletoe.

Alice: *blush* let's put it this way… Christmas is now my favorite holiday.

Joanie: You two are so cute when you're not biting each others' heads off~ *smiles*

Alice: Sh- shut up. *hits weakly.*

Joanie: By the way, Revans has issued a restraining order involving you and a certain lavender louisville slugger.

Alice: *chuckles* That was fun.

Joanie: QUESTIOOON THREE! Can you lick your elbow?

Alice: *tries* … *and fails horribly*

Joanie: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAA~!!!

Alice: *gets mad* FINE THEN, YOU TRY IT.

Joanie: Oh no, sister, I've tried it before.

Alice: Have I mentioned how much I hate you?

Joanie: You say it every set, darling.

Alice: Then I'll say it again. I HATE YOU.

Joanie: Awww, I love you too, Alice~ … Question Four.

Alice: Oh goodie.

Joanie: To be honest, it scares me how thorough it is… it's like it's happened to Revans before…

Alice: *blink* Exactly how thorough?

Joanie: *ahem* "Have you ever tried to lick your elbow, succeeded, then tripped and hit your head, forgetting all about it and the memory suddenly getting triggered by this question?"

Alice: *falls off of chair*

Joanie: Yeah.

Alice: *climbs back up* Uh… that's never happened… and uh… the question didn't trigger any memory like that.

Joanie: Wow. Okay, Question Five: Do you ever get cold?

Alice: Not really.

Joanie: It's probably all that hot blood in her, angry chick.

Alice: … I will murder you in the night, you awful authoress.

Joanie: *eye twitches* Haven't we done that before?

Alice: *shrugs* I don't know, it doesn't feel familiar.

Joanie: Ah, whatever. Question Six: You guys have music, right? So… what's your favorite genre?

Alice: Hmm… We mostly have classical in our world, but Joanie introduced me to a whole variety here… Out of all the music I've heard, I like the hard rock best.

Joanie: *rolls eyes* Of course Alice would want the heavy ear-blasting music.

Alice: *snaps* Well, unlike a certain SOMEONE over here, I'm cool!

Joanie: YOU WISH. *cuts off Alice's response.* Question Seven: On a scale of 1-10, one being not at all, ten being with a passion, how much do you hate Revans?

Alice: Seven.

Joanie: Well, that's just strange. She's your friend, right?

Alice: If she were my friend, she wouldn't torture me with personal questions.

Joanie: … Touché. Question Eight: Do you like pie? Cake? Ice Cream? Cookies?

Alice: No, yes, no, yes.

Joanie: And there's a dare.

Alice: *hisses* SHE DIDN'T.

Joanie: *chuckles* She did. It's a pretty good one, too. It's a DARE OF ULTIMATE DOOM!

Dun…

Dun…

Duuuuun.

Alice: *facepalms* You're such a nerd.

Joanie: You'll hear the dares at the end.

Alice: NO FAIR.

Joanie: Life isn't fair. Deal with it. AND WE MOVE ON… to Sweetieheart002's questions~ Question One: Have you ever considered cutting your hair?

Alice: As in cut? not trim? Never.

Joanie: Ooooh, the next one makes me laugh~ Question Two: Who would you rather be stuck in a well for three years with: Gil, Break, or feminine-mooded Sharon?

Alice: THIS IS SO UNFAIR. Ugh. I'd never be stuck anywhere with the clown. Barely made it in Cheshire's. Uh… Sharon either, she's a pain to be around… Seaweed-head. At least I can torture him with threats of never making it up alive. He's a crackup when people torture him~

Joanie: Dare I say this, but are you slowly getting to like Giru-chan?!

Alice: NEVER.

Joanie: Juuust making sure. Question Three: Would you ever have a sleepover with Alyss?

Alice: NO, NO, NEVER, EVER!!

Not even if you dared me to!

Joanie: You know I'd make you go anyway. Question Four: Do you like snow?

Alice: Oh, that pretty white stuff that falls from the sky? It's awesome! Especially when seaweed-head's around, then I can throw it at his seaweed-head and it'll become even more seaweed-like!!

Joanie: … Uh, wow. Okay… er… Question Five: If you had to, would you give up meat forever?

Alice: … These are such rhetorical questions. *rolls eyes* The answer is NO.

Joanie: She's been learning, people. We got her a tutor.

Alice: I COULD BEAT HER IN A CONTEST NOW!

Joanie: Spell .

Alice: That's easy! S-u-p-e-r-c-a-l-o-f-r-a-g-a-l---

Joanie: Okay, stop. You killed it a while ago.

Alice: DAMMIT! So close.

Joanie: It's okay. You'll do better next time~

Alice: *mutters* Maybe you should spell it.

Joanie: I would, but I don't want to carry this conversation out. There's another dare.

Alice: *groans*

Joanie: Deal with it. Okay, Mamoko-chan's questions next! Question One: If Alyss wasn't the way she was [aka a psychotic, yandere, scary little girl who gouges out grown men's eyeballs and licks blood off of her hands], would you like her?

Alice: … Did she write all that?

Joanie: Uh… no… *sheepish grin*

Alice: *blinks*

Joanie: I elaborated so you would get it.

Alice: *nods* Okay, let's set the record straight. Alyss doesn't like me, and I don't like her. But if she did like me, I guess it's safe to say I'd probably be nicer to her.

Joanie: Let's reform Alyss-chan~! *smiles broadly*

Alice: Not a chance.

Joanie: Aww. Question Two: From 100 years ago, whom do you prefer, Vincent or Gil?

Alice: … I don't really remember what happened 100 years ago… but I'll try to answer that based on what I've seen of them right now. Vincent seems like a suspicious fellow who has a brother complex. The seaweed-head is fun to torture.

I say the seaweed-head.

Joanie: *rolls eyes* You hate everyone but Gil. Admit it, you like him.

Alice: What's there to admit but a lie?

Joanie: *stares blankly at Alice* … Where's that tutor? He's getting paid double.

Oz: *pops up* HERE I AM~

Joanie: *falls off her chair* MERCIFUL ---!!

Oz: Ehehee~ Alice is making good use of the things I teach her.

Joanie: *mutters* The only reason she pays attention's cause she's hot for teacher.

Alice: What was that, Joanie? *threatening atmosphere*

Joanie: Ahaha, nothing, nothing. Anyway, moving on. Question Three: From the Nightrays, who do you prefer and why? [Basically, it's the second question with Eliot in it.]

Alice: Good question. None. They all make my manservant ignore me.

Oz: …

Alice: HOLY…!!! YOU'RE STILL HERE?!

Oz: Ne, Alice, I don't ignore you…

Joanie: *cough* Yes, you do. *cough*

Oz: *vein*

*comes up close to Joanie* How would you like a scythe to your neck tonight?

Joanie: *grins evilly* Don't mind if I do. Yandere Oz is fun!

Alice: HEY! He's MY manservant. Don't you forget that.

Joanie: *winks* Oz, I think Alice wants a scythe to her neck tonight~

Alice: *flushes red* No, I don't! A-anyway, we should be getting back to the questions.

Joanie: *smiles* I like your thinking, Alice! Question Four: Don't say meat. What's your favorite food?

Alice: *snort* Haven't I said this? Chocolate!

Joanie: Of course. *rolls eyes.* If she doesn't have meat, she has chocolate. Question… Five: Meat or Oz?

Alice: Meat.

Oz: HEY!

Alice: It's the truth. Take it or leave it.

Joanie: I think you broke Oz's heart.

Alice: That's impossible. He doesn't have one.

Joanie: Ouch. Oz, you gonna take that?

Oz: *hangs head* Yes.

Alice: *smiles* Good manservant.

Joanie: *facepalms* Of course, Alice wears the pants.

Alice: WHAT WAS THAT?!

Joanie: *quickly* nothing. Question Six… If the one who goes to the Abyss is little!Gil and you know that he's raven!Gil, how would you react?

Alice: You edited, didn't you?

Joanie: Of course.

Alice: … okay. Uh… I would laugh at him.

Joanie: Wow. Merciless child.

Alice: It's a living.

Joanie: Some living. reno321's questions~ Question One: Romantic movie with Oz or chick flick with Sharon?

Alice: *eyes widen* I HAVE TO CHOOSE?! Isn't there a hidden third option that says, "Horror movie with yourself"?

Joanie: No...

Alice: Shit. Uh… Romantic movie with Oz. That way, more trees will be saved.

Joanie: … No comment. Question Two: It's Christmas! [or, it was, anyway…] Who would you most want to be stuck under mistletoe with?

Alice: *blushes*

Joanie: Weren't you already stuck under mistletoe with someone on Christmas?

Alice: *shakily* Y-yes…

Joanie: And we all know who that someone was, yes?

[Please refer to the beginning of the chapter, where Alice admits things through reverse psychology.]

Alice: OF COURSE THEY KNOW!

Joanie: Ow, not so loud, Alice. Question… Three: If you weren't a rabbit, what animal would you want to be?

Alice: A wolf.

Joanie: A… wolf?

Alice: You heard me.

Joanie: O…kay… Question Four: Would you rather give up meat or give up being Oz's chain?

Alice: *buries head in her arms* Give up being his chain.

Joanie: *does a double-take* WHAT?! BUT WHY!?

Alice: You know I'm slowly killing him with this stupid power of mine.

Joanie: True that, but still, Alice!

Alice: Don't question my answer.

Joanie: Fine. It's time for the dare, anyway.

Alice: This is upsetting, I'm going to bed.

Joanie: Good night, Alice~

Alice: It's four in the morning.

Joanie: Say good night to the reviewers.

Alice: Have a good day, and a happy new year.

Joanie: Okay, here is Revans's dare~

**"Dare of ultimate doom: Go hug your sister and act like you love her [in a sisterly way, of course], and tell her how much you missed her and wish to be friends. You cannot tell her it is a dare, nor that you don't mean anything that you say. You must also live up to every word you tell her. At least one of your sentences must include the words "Love", "Wish to be with you always", and "perhaps we can go for some tea?" They can be put in separate sentences. You cannot have anything negative said in this dare."**

As you can see, it is quite thorough. But, of course, Alice had to do it.

And here's the tape to prove it.

_*rolls tape*_

_[[Shifting, static-y sounds, and the view is of a dark pathway lined with glowing white flowers. Two people walk, one is filming, the other apparently refuses to be on camera yet. They come to a purple curtain and enter into a room unremarkably like the room Alice, Oz, and Alyss had a tea party in last time.]]_

_Alyss: Oh? To what do I owe this pleasant visit?_

_Alice: *enters camera view* Hi._

_Alyss: Oh, my, it's my sister~_

_Alice: *blinks* Uh… A-alyss… I missed you. *walks up to her tentatively*_

_Alyss: … what?_

_Alice: *glomps cautiously* _[[is that possible?]]

_Alyss: *eyes widen* W-what…?_

_Alice: I want to be friends._

_Alyss: Oh, Alice, you're such a joker._

_Alice: I mean it._

_Alyss: … CHESHIRE!!!_

_Alice: Oh, and I __**love**__ meat, so I want meat for my birthday…_

_Alyss: … Alice is so unladylike._

_Alice: And I was watching this soap opera, and this guy said to a girl, "I wish to be with you always~" You would have cried, it was so dramatic._

_Alyss: *turns to Joanie* Joanie, dear, what have you done to my darling twin?_

_Joanie: *laughs* Don't look at me, Alyss-chan, I'm just the cameragirl._

_Alice: And, if you'd like, perhaps we can go for some tea?_

_Alyss: She hasn't taken her medication, has she?_

_Joanie: Uhm, no, I don't think so._

_Alyss: That explains it._

_*end tape*_

*laughs maniacally* Wow. Alyss was bewildered.

Oh, and Revans… technically Alice did do the dare correctly, it was Alyss and I who were creating a fuss.

*winks* Alice-chan was a good girl~

Next up is Sweetieheart's dare!

**"The Dare: Go into Gil's room while he's asleep with only your panties and an oversized t-shirt on. Sneak under the covers and wrap your arms around him."**

Sweetieheart, I'm really sorry to burst your bubble, but we had to heavily sedate Gil in order to execute your dare. It involved torturing Gil, so… according to a certain blonde boy, we can't do that.

So we sedated Gil. Heavily.

_*rolls tape*_

_Alice: Oh abyss, do I really have to do this?_

_Joanie: Oh come on, he's not gonna wake up._

_Alice: But it's still so embarrassing!!_

_Joanie: Ugh, you're like a child._

_Alice: A CHILD WOULDN'T BE DOING THIS!_

_Joanie: *giggles* Well, pretend you are a child~_

_"Papa, I've had a nightmare… can I hug you? *pout*"_

_Sadly, he'll be asleep the entire time._

_Alice: This is so embarrassing. *shudder* Here goes._

_[[camera zooms out to reveal Alice in a huge, baggy tee which goes all the way down to her knees. She goes over to where Gil is sleeping in one of the asylum rooms. She wavers a minute between rebelling and staying on track… then gets into the bed and hugs him from behind. After about a second of this, she jumps out of the bed, and comes towards the camera.]]_

_Joanie: NO, ALICE, DON'T, YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE YOUR HAND BLEE---_

_[[Alice shatters the lens]]_

_Joanie: Aw, look what you did to your hand, Alice!_

_Alice: So what? It's not worse than what you just made me do._

_Joanie: Let's go bandage that._

_*end tape*_

Don't you worry, I have replacement lens.

Alice's hand is okay, but whenever we take off the bandages, her cut always opens.

*exasperated sigh* I'm stitching that tonight.

Next up, reno's dare~

**"DARE: play closet spin-the-bottle with Oz, Gil, and Break."**

'Twas easy enough.

_*rolls tape*_

_[[Alice, GIl, Oz, and Break are seated on the floor with a green glass bottle in the middle. They are in a brightly-lit bedroom with mahogany-paneled floors and red walls. Alice's room. It has a walk-in closet, so this is where they're playing.]]_

_Joanie: Ehehehe. _

_Alice: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?! IT'S NOT FUNNY~_

_Joanie: I'm laughing because I'm spinning first to tell you all who's picking first._

_*spins the bottle*_

_[[The bottle spins around, and around, and around, and it makes everyone quite dizzy. Suddenly it slows and everyone cringes as the bottle passes them. Except for Break, of course. He's just insane. The bottle stops at the Mad Hatter.]]_

_Break: Ohohoho~_

_Gil: Oh no._

_Joanie: Oh, yess._

_*Break spins that bottle!*_

_[[The bottle spins and then stops very suddenly at Gil.]]_

_Joanie: *laughs*_

_Gil: *facepalms*_

_Break: *grins broadly* Come on, Gil~ Let's enter that closet!_

_[[Break slides open the closet door and drags Gil's unwilling form inside. After about one minute's passed, Joanie calls the one-minute mark and the closet door is opened. Gil walks back into the room first, red-faced. Break follows, still grinning.]]_

_Oz: Did you guys have fun~?_

_Gil: Oz!_

_Oz: Haha, Gil is just like Alice-- You both look so funny when you're flustered._

_[[Gil now spins the bottle. It lands on our dear Alice.]]]_

_Alice: NO WAY._

_Gil: Why do I have to go and kiss this stupid rabbit?_

_Alice: I don't want to have my second real kiss taken by a seaweed head!_

_Oz: If that's the case, I volunteer to take Gil's place~!_

_Gil: Oz-sama...!!_

_Oz: *smiles gently* It's okay, Gil. I know how much you guys can't tolerate each other._

_Let's go, Alice~!_

_[[They go in the closet.]]_

_Joanie: *laughs loudly*_

_*Gil and Break stare*_

_Joanie: WHAT?! You two aren't doing anything to break the atmosphere..._

_*Three minutes pass.*_

_Joanie: They've been in there an awful long time…_

_Gil: it's only been about three minutes._

_Joanie: That's too much._

_Break: Just let the kids be~_

_Joanie: HE'S GOING TO GET HER PREGNANT!_

_[[Oz and Alice open the closet doors and stare at Joanie.]]_

_Joanie: … Oh, you're out! _

_Break: Ohohohohooo… Somebody must have been getting some ACTIONNN..._

_Joanie: *hits Break with a pillow… seven times.*_

_Alice: Oh my abyss, I've just realized what you are, Joanie._

_Joanie: and what might that be?_

_Alice: You're a mother!_

_Joanie: *spits out water and coughs* Say that one more time?_

_Alice: *rolls eyes* You're like the annoying, overprotective mom I never had. I don't want one either, it's too much with even Sharon._

_Joanie: *stares* I'm too cool to be your mom._

_Alice: *snorts* sure._

_[[[static]]]_

_*end tape.*_

Needless to say, Alice didn't need a sedative to be knocked out.

:D I admit it, I act like people's moms.

I just needed an excuse to hit Alice.

Alice will be answering ALL of your questions.

And doing all the dares.

For some reason, it feels like this chapter took a ridiculous amount of time to write.

But anyway,

Review~

Review~

Review~~

and you will get Abyss cookies.

Baked by the Will herself.

*laughs again* Aww, that looks like a strange explosion~

Love,

Joanie.

[I'm sure Alice sends you all love from her dreams~]


	7. Special Chapter: Kids and New Year's

A/N: THIS IS NOT A NEW SET--- I'd just like to say two things.

ONE: THIS IS A SPECIAL CHAPTER.

TWO: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! :D It's not here yet but I don't think I'll be uploading again before the New Year. ):

[[Note: Pairing is AlicexOz. Don't like it? Don't read. Also, there's quite a bit of cursing and a few words you wouldn't want your mom to read. o_o

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.]]

I was talking to a certain friend of mine [[Oh, you know who you are.]], and we were discussing what it would be like if Alice and Oz were married. Now, I started getting all shiny-eyed and planning their wedding. My friend then commented, and I quote,

"Soon, we shall see mini-Oz's and mini-Alice's and mini-crossbreed AlicexOz's running around"

And I said, "You make me want to draw their kids."

So I did.

While I was doing this, I had a conversation with my dear friend, Alice.

And here's how it went.

Alice: She can't be mine.

Joanie: She is.

Alice: She looks nothing like me!

Joanie: Better believe it, sister, she totally is yours.

Alice: Well, maybe she's Alyss's. I can't remember having a kid.

Joanie: No, she's not. You're the one who fcked Oz.

Alice: No, she probably had the kid in my place!

Joanie: She's YOURS.

Alice: … You sure she's mine?

Joanie: Of course, she came out of YOUR vagina, stupid.

Alice: ...

Joanie: Yeah.

Alice: What, you were there when she was born?

Joanie: I delivered her.

Alice: … So you're sure she's not Alyss's.

Joanie: Seeing as Oz still has both his eyes, yeah.

Alice: …Damn it.

Joanie: Don't lie, you love her already~ I can see it in your eyes~!!

Alice: … Okay, she's utterly adorable, and totally FAKE. Just a drawing.

Joanie: SO WILL SHE BECOME REAL SOON?!

Alice: … We'll see.

… And then I finished the drawing. It's up on my DeviantArt, if you want to see. Link to the DA is on my profile~

Love,

Love,

Love,

LOVEE,

~Joanie~

[P.S. None of that would really happen. Alice could never be that nice to me.]


	8. Sixth Set: I'm in cahoots with Oz?

A/N: Hey~!

Have I ever mentioned how much I love the reviewers?

Especially one particularly enthusiastic reviewer...

[[Spammed us, SEVEN TIMES!]]

:D Although it was chock full of awesome detail supporting Alice all the way~

I'd appreciate it if you could make your reviews all into one now, thank you! *winks*

[[And yes, I got the fact that you were joking. Although, if you weren't… uh… no comment.]]

For the rest of my lovely reviewers, as always, you guys are superb and I love you~ *huggles*

--

Joanie: HIIIIIIIIII EVERYONEEE~~~

Alice: _*facepalms*_ You'd break glass with that tone.

Joanie: _*chuckles* _I have, once.

Alice: … Continue.

Joanie: … There's nothing to continue. Anyway, our first reviewer this chapter was ELECTROTOKYO _*grins* _

Alice: No comment at all.

Joanie: Oh, hush. Question One: Would you rather give up meat for a month or live with Alyss for a week?

Alice: I'd take the twin. Meat is too important to sacrifice.

Joanie: … uh… okay... Question Two! Would you rather be known as "Oz's lover" or "Sharon's CUTE likkle sister :3"?

Alice: WHAT. THE. _*says word that is censored for all the little kiddies out there!*_

I WOULD RATHER BE KNOWN AS "ALICE, THE FEARSOME BLOODSTAINED BLACK RABBIT."

Joanie: I believe she wanted you to choose between those two options, dear Alice.

Alice: … _*eye twitches.*_ It's DIFFICULT!!!

Joanie: AWW, YOU'RE SOOO CUTE!!!! Can't choose between your lovey and your big sister…~

Alice: It's not that, I'm trying to choose which one I hate least.

Joanie: Well, if it were me, I would choose "Oz's lover".

Alice: … _*vein appears on forehead.*_

Joanie: Ohohoho, I believe I've made her angry…

Alice: YOU DIDN'T. I'm just… I wouldn't want it to be said like that!

Joanie: Well, then, how would you want it to be said?

Alice: "Oz's master."

Joanie: Ummm, no.

Alice: Dammit.

Joanie: Well, you're going to have to choose someday, because our reviewers certainly don't like reading this back-and-forth we're having here.

Alice: Sharon's little sister. _*shudders.*_

Joanie: Attagirl! _*grins*_ Ooookay! Question Three: Fried chicken or steak?

Alice: Steak, medium rare.

Joanie: That was quick.

Alice: I know my meats.

Joanie: Mmmhmm. I suppose one would, if they'd eaten that their entire life. Question Four, and one of my favorites. Why are you always wearing the same thing all the time?

Alice: I AM NOT! There was that one time when we went to the opera house to go see that meatball of a duke, and I was wearing a red dress. When I was alive, I would change dresses every day! And not to mention I sleep in a nightgown, NOT this.

Joanie: Nice defense, working on becoming a lawyer, there?

Alice: No, I just don't like it when people ask me things that should have been seen.

Joanie: Mmhmm. Question Five: If you had to write a poem/song about Oz, what would the title be?

Alice: … "Oi, Manservant."

Joanie: _*facepalms*_ It figures.

Alice: WHAT WAS THAT?!

Joanie: Ehehe, nothing! ELECTROTOKYO also included a dare and a note~! Let's read the note first._ *smiles*_

" **Note to ALICE: You + Oz= Awesomeness, seriously. Heheh. ^^ Anyway, no one will EVER forget what happened in episode 20. The taking-off-your-shirt incident. No one will forget that! Ahahahaha! *salutes and walks away* "**

Alice: … The hell was that?

Joanie: Ummm, I think ELECTROTOKYO just proclaimed their shipping status.

Ehehehe… which this fanfiction was NOT supposed to be based around… [bad joanie.]

Anyway, Alice got a lot of dares this chapter...

So guess what?

I enlisted a bit of help from a certain someone~! You know who you are~ _*wink*_

_*keeps name censored for privacy.*_

OKAY! Next set of questions comes from our dear reviewer, Sweetieheart002!!

Alice: I hate how I've kept quiet throughout your little rant. It gives me the chills.

Joanie: QUESTION ONE!! Where'd you get your clothes from if you lived in the Abyss?

Alice: … Good question, but why are people obsessed with my clothes?

Joanie: Fashion. _*smiles* _It's the everlasting human obsession.

Alice: _*creeped out*_ … o-okay…

Joanie: Now, my dear Alice, will you answer the question or do I have to go get the _pierrot_?

Alice: HEY! That's MY name for him.

Joanie: Ohohoho!! You have a special name for him and everything? Woww, and here I thought you liked Oz...

Alice: I do- NO, WAIT, YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME ADMIT TO SOMETHING!

Joanie: We got a little off-track, could we get back into the flow?

Alice: Mmkay. Uh… When I awoke in the Abyss… I had these clothes. No explanation. I just had them.

Joanie: Yess, but we're assuming Alyss took it upon herself to dress up a doll.

Alice: _*shudder*_ Abyss, I never want to be "dressed up" by her again.

Joanie: It's okay, Alice. Question Two: In our previous set, also known as the sixth set, you mentioned that Christmas is now your favorite holiday. Why not Valentine's Day?

Alice: Oh! I know what Valentine's Day is!

Joanie:_ *smile* _Go on, tell our readers!

Alice: It's the day when Valen-san and Tine-san got married!

Joanie: _*facepalm*_ TUTOR GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE.

Oz: _Hai!_ [Japanese word for affirmation, kind of like "Yes?!"]

Joanie: You didn't teach her about Valentine's day correctly, did you?

Oz: _*chuckle* _Of course I did! That's how I learned it.

Joanie: _*facepalms*_ SOMEONE GET THE TUTOR A TUTOR.

_*pushes Oz to the library*_ GO GET A BOOK.

Alice: Soo… it's NOT when Valen-san and Tine-san got married?

Joanie: No, dear. It's the day when girls give boys chocolate. In Japan, that is. In other countries, people celebrate it differently.

Alice: … So, I have to give all the boys chocolate?

Joanie: Umm… only if you want to?

Alice: Why would I like that? It's more work for me. Christmas is MUCH better. My manservant should be giving ME chocolate. Not the other way around!

Joanie: I bet you'd like White Day then. I'LL EXPLAIN LATER. Question Three. If you had the chance, would you make a fanfic like this with Joanie as the "victim"?

Alice: _*evil chuckle*_ I would SO enjoy that.

Joanie: _*frowns and drags Oz back into the room, hisses*_ This is all your fault.

Alice: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY MANSERVANT?!!

Joanie: You were too busy focusing on other things to punish him.

Alice: THAT'S RIGHT! MANSERVANT, WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK AFTER WE FINISH WITH THIS.

Joanie: And yet she doesn't see it's somehow become part of her regimen. _*sigh*_

Alice: AND THEN GET ME SOME MEAT AFTER.

Oz: Okay, okay, okay… Abyss, you're angry.

Joanie: Question Four: Will you doodle drawings with me? :D

Alice: _*snort*_ No. You can't match my supreme level of awesomeness with which I draw! **AHAHAHAHAHAHA! **_*stands up on chair*_

Joanie: Aww, you're so mean. Question Five: Do you know what yaoi lemon is?

Alice: Of course.

Joanie: … WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?!

Alice: All of you people posting yaoi lemon on fanfiction,

Joanie: Guilty as charged. _*dies of laughter*_

Let's get on with the program.

Alice: Oh, goodie.

Joanie: Next reviewer, Fan of Games. I was forced by a very… terrifying Oz [scythe intact] to not mention some of the reviews and notes to his chain… who's right next to me, isn't she.

Alice: _*solemnly* _I am. And I hear EVERY. WORD. YOU. SAY. _*sits with a sparkly smile*_

Joanie: _*eyetwitch* _

Oz: _*clears his throat with a dark, threatening aura-glare directed at a certain authoress*_

Joanie: Oh, now look what you've done. I'll be killed either way by a fictional character. Okay, umm, there's something like a note-question-thing…

Alice: I WANT TO SEE IT.

Oz: DON'T YOU DARE SHOW IT TO HER.

Alice: I want to know something, MANSERVANT.

Oz: What.

Alice: ARE YOU IN CAHOOTS WITH THAT GIRL?

Oz: No. I'm getting kind of irritated with you right now.

Alice: Oho, really? That was me five minutes ago.

Oz: I'm not talking to you.

Alice: SAME. HERE.

Joanie: Oh damn it, SEE WHAT HAPPENED?! Alice, forget about your manservant for a second and please look at this?

Alice: Fine. Whatever.

"**Alice, do you want some help with doing something about Joanie? Joanie doesn't have any control over me, so I can help you. Just say the word and I'll help you, okay?"**

Alice: _*sobs*_

Joanie: U-UHM… ALICE, WHAT'S WRONG!?

Alice: That's… so… sweet… of… you! _*hiccup*_

Joanie: _*stares blankly*_ Why are you crying over that?

Alice:_ *gives Joanie a look*_

Joanie: Oh.

Alice: I really, really appreciate your offer, but this is kind of like a sort of paradise. Meat. All day. And I only have to follow schedules when doing a chapter.

Joanie: AWW, YOU LIKE ME THEN?

Alice: I DIDN'T SAY THAT. I don't think I'll ever like you.

Joanie: It figures. Umm, onto the questions. Question One: What's your favorite horror movie?

Alice: Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Joanie: That was quick.

Alice: _*chuckles*_ Zydrate Anatomy.

Joanie:_ *shudders*_ All that ripping gave me nightmares. Question Two: Alice, have you ever read any books by horror writers, like Stephen King and H.P. Lovecraft?

Alice: Joanie lent me a book by Stephen King titled "Dreamcatcher". I didn't like the beginning with all the men being boring, but the worm** *CENSORED***

Joanie: Ehehee… don't want the children who sneak onto rated-T things to read that.

Alice: Anyway, I liked it. A lot. And I loved that one guy who had that saying, "SSDD"

Joanie: It's also in a Cute Is What We Aim For song.

Alice: Whatever!

Joanie: Question Three: Alice, when you are free from Joanie, what are you going to do?

Alice: … Never thought about it.

Joanie: I wanted to let her go after the first chapter, but— OW! WHAT THE HELL!?!

Oz: _*throws rock up and down in hand* _

Joanie: _*glares*_

Oz:_ *dark, evil smile*_

Alice: … I don't like this atmosphere.

Joanie: Okay, next set of questions. It's from Revans-chan, and she gives you chocolate and meat as promised. Question One: Do you think you look cuter in the manga or the anime?

Alice: Manga.

Joanie: … Um. Okay. Question Two: _*quotes*_ " If you were stranded in the most northern and coldest part of the world with Oz and a dead seaweed head with no other food source,and no apparent rescue team on the way, would you eat seaweed head?"

Alice: … EW. That would upset my digestive tract. I would rather STARVE than eat something so indigestible. Ugh.

Joanie: … I wouldn't eat him either! Question Three: Would you prefer to be a human, or stay a chain if you end up meeting... and getting your christmas present from... Oz either way?

Alice: Human.

Joanie: Why?

Alice: Ughhh, do I really have to say it AGAIN? I feel as if I'm repeating myself too much.

Joanie: Oh right. Question Four: Apple or Orange juice?

Alice: Orange.

Joanie: _*stares*_ I'm not even going to ASK. Question Five: How would you react if I told your your twin and I are actually really good friends and I know everything about you?

Alice: Well, then, I'd be wondering, if you know so much about me, WHY ASK ME QUESTIONS?

Joanie: Good point.

Alice: Thank you.

Joanie: Question Six: Do you think you're good at swordplay?

Alice: I dunno, give me a sword and let's find out.

Joanie: I'd prefer you didn't, really. There's only so much that can go wrong. Including the whole "Off with your head!" thing. _*shudder*_

Alice: COME ON, THAT WAS ONE TIME!

Joanie: Still, never again! Question Seven: If you and Oz had the whole day and night to yourselves, with no interruptions from anyone, what would you prefer you two did?

Alice: Umm…

Joanie: We've got a hesitation! _*grins*_

Alice: SHUT UP. I'm trying to think. Well, I would want him to take me to get meat. Then, sleep… more meat… hunt some chains, I guess. Gah… that would be so BORING!!

Joanie: So why not do something fun?

Alice: If I knew something like that, I would have said it.

Joanie: How about going for a picnic?

Alice: OO!! That's a good idea.

Joanie: Okay, so Question Eight: _*quotes* "_YOU GUYS HAVE PLANS FOR MINI-OZ's AND MINI-ALICE'S AND MINI-CROSSBREED ALICExOZ's IN THE FUTURE RIGHT?!!? And tan i adopt one if so? :3"

Alice: WHAT?!!

Joanie:_ *sigh*_

Alice: J-JOANIE, WHAT DOES SHE MEAN BY MINI-CROSSBREED ALICExOZ'S?!

Joanie: _*eyetwitch*_ Aha, yeah, about that…

Alice: …

Joanie: Told you she'd never be that nice to me.

Alice: No… no comment.

Joanie: Alright then! Next set of questions is from Reno321~ Question One: Do you want to kill Joanie right about now, and if yes, please explain how IN DETAIL.

Alice: … Surprisingly, I don't want to kill her… RIGHT NOW. I just think it would be unnecessary. But if I did want to kill her… I would probably use slow, painful torture. Like razor blades. Or poison… Nah, it'd be too clean… My scythe.** Off with her head!!**_ *smiles* _**AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!**

Joanie: WAAAHH, YOU ACTUALLY CONSIDERED IT?!?!

Alice: Of course, I'm going to want to kill you SOMETIME! Why not think about it now and do it later?

Joanie: _*sniff*_ Alice is so mean. But I'm meaner, so I can't talk. Question Two: Is it a girl or a boy? (you should know what I'm talking about…)

Alice: … What IS she talking about? JOANIE, HELP.

Joanie:_ *eyetwitch*_ It's a girl.

Alice: … WAIT A MINUTE WHAT?! HOW— WHAT?!

Joanie: Don't worry about it, Alice.

Alice: But—!!

Joanie: I said, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT._ *gives Alice a look.*_

Alice:_ *blinks*_ O-okay…

Joanie: _*beams*_ Question Three: ANOTHER MOVIE QUESTION! Romantic movie with either Gil or Break (and you have to be quiet in movie theaters, so no threats to either one~)

Alice: DAMN IT!

Joanie: Ah, I'm sorry, Alice…

Alice: YOU SHOULD BE! NOW WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?!

Joanie: Umm… No clue.

Alice: Well, fine. I'll just go improv. I pick the seaweed-head.

Joanie: And… why would that be?

Alice: Well, the clown likes to touch me a lot. The seaweed-head always gets red whenever I get near him, it'll cause him discomfort to be in a movie with me, the ever-so-amazing Alice B. Rabbit! _*triumphant grin*_

Joanie: OOH! _*claps* _Okay~ Question Four: GilxOz or AlicexGil?

Alice: WHAT KIND OF DERANGED QUESTION IS THAT?!!!!

Joanie: Umm… I do admit… that's kind of strange. Asking Alice whether she would see her manservant in a yaoi relationship, or herself and "that seaweed-head" is rather… um… weird.

Alice: But if I had to choose, I would choose that first one.

Joanie: … GilxOz? _*tilts head*_

Alice: That one.

Joanie: _*slowly grins*_ Welcome to the club, Alice.

Alice:_ *blinks*_ THERE'S CLUBS FOR THIS KIND OF STUFF?!

Joanie: Y-yeah, there's links on the Curious? site—

Alice: YOU ARE TO SHOW ME THAT AFTER THIS.

Joanie: Sure~! Okaaay, next set comes from Angie-chan.

Alice: Oh, lovely, more questions?

Joanie: Yes, but before that, Oz?

Oz: Yes?

Joanie: Angie's sorry for mind-raping you.

Oz: _*smiles*_ Okay!

Joanie: … Strange, vapid child.

Alice: That's my manservant you're talking about, of course he's strange.

Joanie: It would figure. Question One: Are there any real video games in your world?

Alice: If there were, Oz would be playing that Holy Knight game like there's no tomorrow.

Joanie: _*chuckles*_ Yeah. Question Two: Do you wish Oz would pay more attention to you?

Alice: DEFINITELY. MY MANSERVANT NEEDS TO CONCENTRATE!

Joanie: Like orange juice! _*laughs*_

Alice: … I don't get it.

Joanie: I'll show you a carton of orange juice later. Question Three: Why do you think Sharon is creepy?

Alice: Because she IS! Haven't you SEEN her!? Her sparkles just annoy the shit out of me!

Joanie: I think we could tell, Alice. She scares everyone, including Break. Question Four: Do you like me as a friend? If no, why?

Alice: Haven't we asked this one or something? I dunno, I feel like they've become repetitive. Um… Sure?

Joanie: _*stares*_ Well, okay, whatever. Question Five: Would you like to be another type of animal as a chain?

Alice: This question has been answered before. At least READ the previous sets! What am I doing answering if you won't read it?

Joanie:_ *giggles*_ Alice is right~! Question Six: Is Cheshire Cat your real cat?

Alice: I believe so. At least, from what I recall in my memories.

Joanie: Mmhmm. Next set, AND THE LAST ONE!

Alice: Goodie, I want some meat.

Joanie: It's from a someone named Pinja-chan~!_ *smiles*_

Alice: Would you get on with it?

Joanie: Oh, sure thing. Question One: Do you always wear the same clothes or do you have a spare outfit somewhere?

Alice: Didn't I answer something just like this a while ago?

Joanie: I think so… but you should answer it again just to make sure she sees it~!

Alice: Okay. Umm, I have tons of spare outfits.

Joanie: … okay, I guess that's suitable. Question Two: Were you from a noble family 100 years ago, since your dresses say that's the case, but you're not all that civilized?

Alice: I really can't answer this one, since I don't remember, but I do remember I was locked up in a tower, all alone.

Joanie: Aww, poor Alice… I feel so bad now… Anyway, Question Three [which isn't stupid at all.] : Do you get a lot of fanmail?

Alice: I do. It's you guys, and the people on MangaFox, and OneManga, and all of those lovely places~!

Joanie: _*blink*_ Oh right, the reviewers are fans. Question Four: If you were to have a child with the the man of your dreams, would you like a girl or a boy?

Alice: O-oh… umm… I think I'd want a girl.

Joanie: Awww~ That's too cute.

Alice: _*blushes*_

Oz: I WOULD WANT A BOY! _*grins*_ I WOULD TEACH HIM TO PLAY WITH SWORDS.

Alice: Where'd you come from, manservant?

Oz: Oh, I was running an errand and happened to be passing by.

Joanie: What if they were a twin boy and girl? Twins do run in the family, you know.

Alice: WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?!

Joanie: Oh nothing~! Question Five: Do you use mustard with your meat?

Alice: … Ew. No. Mustard is made out of a plant. I'm a carnivore.

Joanie: COCOA BEANS GROW ON TREES!! _*beams*_

Alice: WHAT!? THEY DO!?!

Joanie: Ummm, yeah.

Alice: Whatever. I still hate mustard. It's all yellow and goopy.

Joanie: Hey, Alice, guess what?

Alice: Hm?

Joanie: That was your last question.

Alice: OH GOOD. I HAVE TO TALK TO A CERTAIN MANSERVANT NOW.

Joanie: While she's gone, I'll show you the tapes of the dares. I had to enlist help from a certain person who I'd rather not mention. But when you see quotes around Joanie, umm… that's her. _*laughs*_

Dare 1: From ELECTROTOKYO.

[Guest Recorder! Dare]

"**Act childish, whiny, and clingy to either Break or Gil. Your choice."**

_Camera swirls around and around and around and around and around until even you are dizzy, with some sort of maniacal laughter going on behind it._

Alice: ...Get off the chair. We have a dare to do.

"Joanie": LE GASP! YOU WANT TO DO A DARE?!

Alice: I just want to get it over with. Now get off ! You're making me want to throw up just watching you.

_Camera moves around and follows Alice until she finds Gil, where after punching a wall, and leaving an impressive dent in it, stomps toward him and promptly starts to pull on his sleeve._

_Alice: * in an extremely whiny tone* seaaaaaaweeed heaaaaaaaaaaad! I waaant meaaaaaaaat! Pleaaaaaaase!!?_

Gil: Stop pulling my coat, you stupid rabbit!

_Alice: Why do you always call me thaaaaaaat!? _

Gil: What are you on!?

_Alice: Giiiiiiil! You ALWAYS act like I`m out to get you! * cute pout*_

Gil: Go away!

Alice: You're going out right? Can I come? Pleaaaaaaaaaase?

Gil: No.

Alice: But I reaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllly want to get out!

Gil: Too bad. Go back to your room you stupid rabbit!

Alice: Can I be on you? Pleaaaaase?

_Gil: W-what!? *blushes heavily * _

_Alice: *scowls * Not like that you pervert! I meant a piggy back!_

Gil: J-just go to bed!

Alice: What do you mean go to bed!? It's only seven thirty!

Gil: Exactly. Too late for a little girl like you!

_Alice: I am not a little girl! I'm almost fifteen and I'm in a relationship with your master, so ha!_

Gil: You are not!

Alice: Am so! He just doesn't show it openly because of you! I bet you want to bite his cheeks!

_Gil: * face turns almost completely red * N-no!_

_Alice: And then you're always really close to him..._

_Camera suddenly dies, having run out of tape._

Dare 2: From Sweetieheart002

[Authoress!Dare]

"Go up to Break and yell random things about how you love Oz."

_[[In the candyman's room.]]_

Alice: He's not in here.

Joanie: He's probably just hiding. You might want to close the door before you do this dare, just to be safe. And don't yell too loud, the whole house might hear you.

Alice: I got it, I got it. Jeez, lady.

Joanie: That's_ NEE-CHAN_ to you.

Alice: WHAT. EVER. OI, CLOWN, GET YOUR ASS IN THE ROOM BEFORE I COUNT TO THREE. _ONETWOTHREE._

Break: Yo! _*clownish grin*_

Joanie: Hi, Break.

Break: Konnichi wa, Joanie. What are you doing with that camera?

Joanie: Oh, I'm just recording random things for a school assignment.

Break: _*eyetwitch* _It's kind of scary how you lie so easy to me and I almost believe you.

Joanie: That's a first. I scare the clown.

Alice: Will you two stop mingling? I have something to say to the pierrot, you know.

Break: Oho? Alice has something to say to me? This is strange.

Alice: _*clears throat.*_ OI, CLOWN. YOU BETTER LISTEN TO ME CAUSE I'LL ONLY SAY THIS THREE TIMES. I LOVE THAT STUPID USELESS THING I CALL A MANSERVANT AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I HAVE A POEM THAT I WROTE ABOUT HIM AND MY LOVE FOR HIM. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE BESIDES THAT? I ACTUALLY LIKED THAT STUPID CONTRACT. ALTHOUGH I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED IT TO BE IN A DIFFERENT WAY, I LIKED IT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? THIS IS THE POEM I WROTE. _*shoves in Break's face*_

_[[Joanie surreptitiously takes the poem.]]_

Break: Oho, what's with Alice saying all these things all of a sudden?

Alice: _*turns around and blushes*_

Break: Ohohoho, I see what's happening. Alice is trying to make me jealous~!

_[[Shattering noise]]_

Joanie: That… was the camera lens. Again. ALICE COME HERE, I NEED TO STITCH UP YOUR HAND AND TAKE THAT GLASS OUT.

Alice: Don't bother, I actually feel like killing myself today.

Oz: … What was that I heard about a poem about a certain someone such as myself?

_*end tape*_

Dare 3: From RevansRubber Duck Darth Nimble

[Authoress!Dare]

"**I dare you to act like a ninja while telling ALL the PH cast how you really feel about them. [For example, with Ada, you didn't/don't like her much because she can get really close to her brother without a second thought.]"**

_[[Shuffling noises.]]_

Joanie: Are you ready, Alice?

Alice: Let's get this over with.

_[[Camera zooms out to show Alice in a dark ninja suit, with her hair gathered into a high ponytail.]]_

Joanie: _*squeal*_ YOU LOOK SUPER-CUTE~!!!

Alice: SHUT UP DO YOU WANT ME TO GET CAUGHT?!

Joanie: OH right…_ *whispers*_ Sorry…

Alice: That's okay. Now let's do this…

_[[Alice sneaks over to Oz's side.]]_

Oz. I think you're stupid, useless, and sweet.

_*Oz turns suddenly, startled.*_

Oz: Umm… Am I hearing things?

_[[Alice massages the bridge of her nose.]]_

Alice: He's such a moron.

_[[She sneaks over to Gil]]_

Hey. I think your hair is weird. and you blush at random things.

Gil: HOLY—!!

Alice: _*silent laugh*_

_[[She sneaks to Sharon.]]_

Oi. You scare me.

Sharon: … Alice?

Alice: SH—

Joanie: Ahaha, are you hearing things, Sharon-chan?

Sharon: … Perhaps all this tea has finally rotted my brain.

Joanie: Could be.

Alice: _*phew*_ That was close.

Joanie: You're welcome.

Alice: I never thanked you.

_[[sneaks over to Break]]_

Clown. You need to hurry up and develop diabetes already. We're all sick of your presence.

Although maybe not that Sharon girl.

Break: I'd know that voice anywhere. That's you, isn't it, Alice?

Alice: …

Break: You can stop your little game now, everyone compared stories and they're all locked in their rooms.

Alice: I'm a ninja! I can pick the locks~

Break: Ohoho, no, you can't. These are special double bolt locks.

Alice: Shit. I did the dare anyway.

Break: What's this about a dare?

Alice: NOTHING. ABYSS, you're nosy!

_*end tape*_

Dare 4: From Reno321

[Guest Recorder!Dare]

"**Because I'm nice… NOT! MUAHAHA! *ahem* Tell every single male in PH [Oz, Gil, Break, Liam, Phillippe (cause I feel like it), Reo, Eliot, and Oscar~] that you love them, as in romantic love. [You have to be in serious-not-joking mode] and to "visit your room later" in a seductive/flirty way. [Feel free to do whatever you want after that.]"**

_Rustling as the camera is being turned on and a few mutterings as I attempt to work the recorder._ 

"Joanie" : Haha! I have figured out the mystery that is a camera! Alright, know what to do?

Alice: ...yes, and what're you doing here? Where's Joanie?

"Joanie" : Aw, you miss her! And for now, I am Joanie, so get moving!

Alice: ... ugh. Fine....

_You turn left, then right, then right again, and go in a circle, then left, and into a brick wall! _

"Joanie" : Ow....

_Alice: * laughs* Fail._

"Joanie": Just go do your dare you piglet.

_Camera turns to the room where every male in Pandora Hearts is currently in._

Alice: ...I have something to tell you all....I um....I love you all on a more than friendly basis.

_Gilbert: WHAT THE HELL!? RABBIT IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE!? *Gil attempts to get up and leave, but Vincent holds him down with a giggle and whispers something into Gil's ear that makes him blush *_

Oz: Are you trying to say that I have competition?

Alice: *blushes hard and stutters * I-I-I w-w-well....

"Joanie": *whispers * Remember, you have to be serious and not joking!

_Alice: *growls * Yes...you do. And Also, *tries to sound seductive but it comes out sounding more cute than flirty and very forced * I'd like you all to come to my room at night...w-without anything. And if you don't...just remember I own a scythe and I am perfectly capable of travelling on my own._

_Tape stops, it goes black, then turns back on in Alice's room._

"Joanie": You are pure evil, piglet.

Alice: I know. And who the hell's a piglet!?

_Hear a knock at the door._

Break: Eh, Miss Alice! For convenience, I brought everyone to your room like you asked!

_Alice grins evilly and walks opens the door with a bright smile to see all the males at gunpoint and being forced into the room._

_Oz whispers something to Alice that causes her to blush and you can faintly hear a 'maybe later' be mumbled by her. _

Mysterious voice: Ohohohohoh, Break!

_Break sweatdrops and turns slowly toward the voice, : Yes, m'lady?_

_Sharon: I hope you are all prepared for a beating. You can not corrupt Miss Alice like that at such a young age!! * slams door shut and smiles sweetly after locking it* _

_Sharon brings out her fan of doom and promptly begins smacking everything and everyone in sight._

Eliot: WHAT THE HELL! I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE!

Reo: Ooh, what kind of spider are you?

_Camera is thrown around catching blurred images of a fan and many bloody and bruises males before being smashed to pieces. Poor camera._

Joanie: That's the end of the dares, special thanks to my guest recorder, I owe you one~!

—

A/N: DAMMIT WHY DID I TAKE A MONTH TO UPDATE? Oh yeah. I had tons of stuff going on PLUS do you SEE the length of this chapter?! xD

If there's too many dares/questions, it'll take longer to update. I'm not saying don't review or anything, I'm just saying cut down on the amount. [Still has to be a minimum of five questions though.

Click the button with the green text below to submit your questions for Alice~

EPICLAHVE.

~Joanie~


	9. Special Chapter: Alice's Poem

A/N: Remember Alice's poem [that I stole while she was shoving it in Break's face]? This is it. Enjoy!

**Oi, Manservant.**

You're not really bright,

and you're not really useful,

and you smell like meat, which makes me want to bite you.

But you helped me out

Of that dark abyss

So I believe I owe you something.

Forget that, I owe nothing.

It's not my fault, that I have the power,

But YOU contracted ME

So I should get something.

Forget it, you're too stupid to know what I want.

Oi, Manservant,

You need to stop gazing, at that, that...

SEAWEED-HEAD.

He's NOT your master.

And I don't give two chains

If you want to kiss him or whatever.

Because I don't like you at all, at all!!!

*Here we see a blotch, like a tear fell.*

A-anyway,

It's not your blonde hair, which shines like gold in the sun.

And it's not those green eyes, like deep, all-seeing emeralds.

It's not your way of sacrificing yourself for your loved ones,

and it's CERTAINLY NOT those times when you actually smile and you mean it.

It's the fact that you bring me meat whenever I ask for it.

That makes you a good manservant.

[That, and when I get to kick you around and you don't complain, which isn't very often.]

A/N: And yeah… She never noticed it was gone. I told her right after. :D

Much Love,

~Joanie~


	10. Seventh Set: It's the end!

A/N: Hey everyone~! It's me…

I know, I know, I'm an awful person for making you wait so long. But I have a giant bombshell to drop on you guys.

You ready?

This is the last set.

I'm too much of a procrastinator for long, multi-chaptered things, especially something as demanding as this…

So I'm going to stick to drabbles from now on.

I'm pretty sure some of you have already started doing something like this, but if you haven't, go ahead!

If you're not a procrastinator, it's super-fun~

I'm going to miss reading your hilarious questions and such.

You guys already know not to review with questions.

So.

Buckle your seatbelts, hold on to your manservants, and keep your chains in the trunk.

This is gonna be a hell of a bumpy ride.

—

Joanie: FHSDJFLESJK!

Alice: *startled* WHAT? IS THERE A CHAIN NEARBY!

Joanie: … According to Fan of Games, I'm trapped in a section of Abyss filled with Lovecraftian Horrors. o_o

Alice: … You're so stupid.

Joanie: But I didn't put myself in there! S/he shoved me in there!

Alice: *sighs* Joanie. You're not actually trapped in a section of Abyss filled with Lovecraftian horrors.

Joanie: I'm… not?

Alice: No. Did you know there used to be scarier things roaming this planet once?

Joanie: Liiike...?

Alice: Andrewsarchus mongoliensis.

Joanie: And… that is?

Alice: What has now de-evolutionized into the present-day goat. It used to be much scarier though. Sharp fangs that could dig into your jugular vein effortlessly, claws to rip your skin off your meat and bones, and a very pretty snout.

Joanie: … Pretty snout?

Alice: Bait.

Joanie: Aaah, I see.

Alice: Anyway, my point is that those Lovecraftian horrors have nothing on Andrewsarchus. At least it was actually real at one point.

Joanie: You're making me feel like an idiot.

Alice: *smirks* No surprise.

Joanie: HEY, WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Alice: Noothinngg….

Joanie: Anyway, tenemos muchas preguntas.

Alice: … Translate please?

Joanie: We have a lot of questions.

Alice: Damn.

Joanie: *smirks* Who's the idiot now?

Alice: Still you.

Joanie: … Son of a —ugh, forget it, let's begin… First reviewer waaaass… Red Spider Lily, with two questions: Alice, if you saw Sharon crying, would you hug her? And… same for Oz, Gil and Break.

Alice: *thinks* Hmm… Naa. I'd bite her cheeks. Same for Oz. Uh… The seaweed-head, crying? PAHAHAHAHA! His crying face is hilarious. And the clown would never cry. He's not that kind of person.

Joanie: You share something with Oz—you both love Gil's crying face. But then again, so do I.

Alice: I bet everyone loves to see him cry.

Joanie: Haha, I bet even he loves his crying face. Okay and the next question is what's your opinion concerning Echo and Reo?

Alice: … They're okay… I guess… That Echo girl needs to stay away from my manservant, though. Reo's kind of psycho…

Joanie: Alright then. Anyway, next couple of questions are from Reno321, who gave us three questions and a dare. As we all know by now, dares are given at the end. [And damn, did we get a lot this time.] First question. One word to describe Oz. Cannot be Manservant, servant, master, etc. and must be an adjective.

Alice: Psycho.

Joanie: … you didn't even think on that one, did you?

Alice: Nope. Remember the last time he went psycho on me?

Joanie: Oh yeah, you acted all cute and stuff and hugged him and held him back which is kind of reminiscent to Lord and Lady Montague from Romeo and Juliet… "Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe."

Alice: … What now?

Joanie: I need you to read some Shakespeare. Anyway, next question. Would you rather keep Alyss as your sister, or switch her with Sharon, and why?

Alice: They're both insane, but so am I, so I shouldn't be saying anything… I mean, Sharon-oneesama DOES teach me more than Alyss has ever taught me… you know, her being older and stuff. So… I guess Sharon-oneesama.

Sharon: AAAAAAAA~! *glomp-chokes Alice* SO CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUUUUUUTEEEE~!

Alice: GEROFF ME, YOU EVIL HARISEN-WIELDING AUNTY!

Alyss: Uuuuu… Alice doesn't love me… *sobs*

Alice: Ehhhh…?

Joanie: *blinks* Where the hell did you two come from?

Sharon: *smiles* Over there.

Joanie: *glances at door, where Break is smiling, waving and leaning on his cane*coughpimpstickcough* and comes to a very upsetting realization.* DAMMIT, BREAK!

Alice: YOU STUPID CLOWN!

Joanie: Ugh, okay, question three then. If you hate seaweed-head so much, why did you agree to go with them in the first place? Especially since you had Oz to help you look for your memories.

Alice: … I thought I mentioned it in the manga… But whatever. I said, and I quote, "I'm no match for you guys the way I am now. On the other hand, if my power continues release, the next time my contractor's body won't hold." That, and that seaweed-head is my contractor's best friend. We can't just leave him now.

Joanie: Interesting. Next set of questions is from Revans-chan! First question: What's your favorite kind of chocolate? (dark, milk, etc.)

Alice: You can't just go and make me choose!

Joanie: Pick more than one if you don't know what to pick.

Alice: THAT'S NOT FAIR. I LIKE THEM ALL.

Joanie: Um… okay then. Second question: What's your favorite brand?

Alice: AGAIN, THIS IS BLASPHEMY. IT'S LIKE ASKING A MOTHER WHO HER FAVORITE CHILD IS.

Joanie: … Understandable. Next question: Do you have an extra toe?

Alice: Who are you, a village person from "Things Fall Apart"? OF COURSE I DON'T.

Joanie: Question four, what's that mini OzxAlice crossbreed going to be named?

Alice: WHAT OZxALICE CROSSBREED? YOU'RE INSANE!

Joanie: *raises hand* I think if it's a girl, her name should be Sophie, and if it's a boy, his name should be Jack.

Alice: WHO ASKED YOU?

Joanie: Well, you weren't answering.

Alice: Grrr.

Joanie: Question five, is your regular outfit like your special chain-fighting gear?

Alice: Um… come again?

Joanie: Well, is it or isn't it?

Alice: Ehh, not necessarily.

Joanie: Hang on a second. *voice suddenly becomes very loud* OZ, CAN YOU BRING MY COFFEE PLEASE, SINCE YOU SEEM SO CONTENT LISTENING BEHIND THAT DOOR?

Oz: *yells back* THREE SUGARS AND FOUR TABLESPOONS MILK?

Joanie: YEAH, THANKS! Anyway…

Alice: I don't think it's like chain-fighting gear… I think that's my scythe…

Joanie: Mmhmm… Okay, next—

Oz: BROUGHT YOUR COFFEE! *grins*

Joanie: Oh, thank you. *almost sips coffee, when…* You little bastard, you poisoned it, didn't you?

Oz: … what gave it away?

Joanie: The almond smell.

Oz: Damn.

Joanie: Okay then, take over while I make myself some UNPOISONED coffee. *mutters to self* This is what I get for listening to a fifteen-year-old pretty boy.

Oz: *makes himself comfortable while at the same time making Alice uncomfortable.* Hey there, Alice~! *grins*

Alice: *sweatdrop*

Oz: Okay, I think she stopped at question five… so question six is "You seem to come up with nicknames for everyone, so does that mean you have a secret affair with everyone?" *stares at Alice*

Alice: … *screams* JOANIE GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!

Oz: *murmurs* and… we'll take that as a yes. I'm disappointed.

Alice: *blushes furiously* NO. No, manservant, no. THAT IS YOUR ANSWER. SO SHUT UP AND EAT THAT CAKE.

Oz: Hm? *looks at table* Oh, cake! *smiles and eats*

Alice: *watches intently*

Oz: I'm feeling… sleepy… *faints*

Alice: *laughs evilly* THAT'S RIGHT, MANSERVANT! … Dammit, I forgot about that…

Oz: *looks positively adorable.*

Joanie: I'm back, is everything al—… ALICE, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

Alice: *pouts* Just put some sleeping powder on that cake on the table…

Joanie: Oh, dear…

Alice: What?

Joanie: Darling, that wasn't cake.

Alice: … I'd rather not ask what it was.

Joanie: No, you really do need to know.

Alice: Then go ahead and tell me.

Joanie: That was something Break put on the table to go ahead and make anyone who ate it go into a coma. That, plus the sleeping powder…

Alice: *mortified* DON'T TELL ME I'VE KILLED HIM!

Joanie: Not exactly. It's a bit more complex than that. Here's the deal: that cake's properties stop effect if certain chain proteins enter the body through the saliva. So…

Alice: … so what?

Joanie: Don't make me say it.

Alice: Say what?

Joanie: That you need to kiss your manservant if you ever want to wake him up.

Alice: Say, this feels a whole lot like sleeping beauty.

Joanie: *shrugs* I don't make this stuff up.

[[Oh wait a minute, yes, I do.]]

Alice: *scowls and leans over Oz, using her hair as a curtain so nobody will see.*

Oz: *stretches and yawns* Hm? Alice?

Alice: _Good Morning._

Oz: … The moon's out.

Joanie: So, how about those questions? We've gotten unbelievably off-track.

Alice and Oz: SHUT UP, WE'RE TALKING.

Joanie: FFFFFFFFFFFF NO I WILL NOT SHUT UP, YOU HAVE QUESTIONS TO ANSWER! You know what? Since you're both in the room, this will be good to ask. Question seven: Can Revans-chan adopt one of the mini OzxAlice crossbreeds? Preferably the boy.

Alice and Oz: WHAT CROSSBREEDS?

Oz: ARE YOU—?

Alice: AM I WHAT?

Oz: YOU KNOW!

Alice: NO I DON'T!

Sharon: He means to ask if you're pregnant. *narrows eyes* Why, Oz, did you do anything with her?

Joanie: … You're in trouble.

Oz: SHUT UP.

Joanie: *sticks tongue out*

Oz: Nooo, Sharon-chan, I didn't do anything with her.

Alice: *red* P-PREGNANT?

Joanie: Yeaaah… about that…

Alice: *throws books at Oz and Joanie's heads* YOU IDIOTS! I'M NOT PREGNANT!

Joanie: But if you were…

Alice: I'M A GODDAMN CHAIN, I'M PRETTY SURE I'M INFERTILE!

Joanie: … Well… uh… you are?

Alice: DUUUHHH.

Joanie: Well, excuuuuuse me. Question eight: Can Revans-chan gender confuse your children?

Alice: THERE ARE NO CHILDREN, THERE WERE NO CHILDREN, AND THERE WILL BE NO CHILDREN!

Joanie: That's not what the piles of fanfiction say… Question nine: Will you ask Gil if he'll be Revans-chan's gay friend because Oz is already in a relationship with you and she doesn't want you chewing her head off?

Alice: … WHAT? THE SEAWEEDHEAD IS… Oh wait a minute, yeah, no, we all knew that.

Oz: … *calls Gil*

Gil: WHAAAAAT.

Oz: … Rude.

Gil: S-sorry, Oz… *bows for forgiveness*

Oz: Get up, you useless servant.

Gil: I'M NOT USELESS.

Joanie: … *grins* YOU CAN BE NOT-USELESS BY GIVING ME A PIGGYBACK RIDE WHILE ALICE ASKS YOU SOMETHING FOR REVANS-CHAN~

Gil: … No.

Joanie: EVIL.

Gil: Whatever.

Alice: Revans-chan wants to know if you'll be her gay friend.

Gil: I'M NOT GAY!

Alice: Stop denying it, seaweed-head, we all know it's true.

Joanie: It's like you completely skipped over the part where she says you and Oz are in a relationship.

Gil: I'M NOT! AND YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MASTER, YOU STUPID RABBIT?

Alice: I AM NOT! PEOPLE JUST HAVE WAY TOO MUCH TIME ON THEIR HANDS!

Joanie: OKAAAAAAAAY SHUT UP. NEXT SET OF QUESTIONS IS FROM AccessBlade! So. Question One: Are there other chains out there with human forms or who can turn human?

Alice: Apparently according to the anime there are quite a few but according to the stupid clown, I'm "special." Tch. It's not a compliment coming from him.

Joanie: Question Two! Do you know what a Mary-Sue is?

Alice: It's her. *points at Joanie*

Joanie: I AM NOT! MEANIEE. *sticks tongue out at Alice* Question Three! WOULD YOU EAT A CHOCOLATE BUNNY?~!

Alice: It's chocolate, isn't it? Why not.

Joanie: … RAPIDFIIIREE QUESTIOOOON FOUR! If you could have anything in the whole world, what would it be?

Alice: MEAT! *eyes sparkle*

Joanie: Of course. And apparently this last question is for Oz.

Oz: Hmm? Oh, go ahead.

Joanie: If you met anyone who came from modern-day earth AKA the 21st century AKA the time period our reviewers are from, how would you react?

Oz: … *sweatdrop* You do know SHE is from that time period, yes? *points at Joanie*

Joanie: WHY AM I BEING USED AS AN EXAMPLE FOR EVERYTHING?

Oz: Because you're the easiest to point fingers at.

Joanie: . . . -_-

Oz: Anyway… how DID we react? o_o

Alice: I think I yelled a lot.

Oz: … I was okay with it, I think…

Joanie: And there's your answer. Next question-set-thing comes from Alice_Oz_Fan. S/he wants to know which scene has been the most romantic with you and Oz, because some people think you and Gil are a couple o_o. And then s/he asks where Oz is.

Alice: *sweatdrop* Uhhh… that one scene in the Cheshire Arc. You know, where the chains come undone and then I fall into his arms crying? That one.

Oz: … GILBERT. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ALICE.

Gil: NOTHING!

Oz: *narrows eyes* I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

Gil: I SWEAR, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO THAT STUPID RABBIT!

Oz: *throws a CAT at his head* PUNISHMENT.

Gil: *scream, sobsobcry* So meaaaan, Oz-bocchan!

Alice: …

Joanie: **"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU STUPID CLOWN? OZ IS RIGHT HERE!"**

Alice:_ *sweatdrop*_

Joanie: *smiles*

Alice: Alright then…

Joanie: Okaayy… I think I have a ton of non-English readers… because they review… and I have no idea what the HELL they want to say… *dies*

Alice: *revives her* Just try to do it as best as possible, you dolt.

Joanie: Fiiiine. Okay, next question comes from Tadamu-fan… Apparently we need Sharon for this one…

Sharon: *sweetly* Did someone call me?

Joanie: GAH! WHERE DID YOU COME FROM!

Sharon: *points to the cupboard*

Joanie: … I thought that was Break's entrance point…

Sharon: *shakes head, points at the cupboard again*

Joanie: *looks at cupboard* SJBGLKWSDJHFVKDSJ HOLY HELL IT'S THE CLOWN.

Alice: *shrieks and hides behind Oz*

Oz: … Is Alice scared?

Alice: … *brushes herself off and snorts* Ha, no.

Joanie: O-okay… now that everyone's here… uh, Sharon, how do you feel when you put Alice and Oz in a romantic scene?

Sharon: *sparkly eyes* Weeelll, let's see…

Break: *laughs* Ojou-sama goes into her feminine mode.

Sharon: *slams harisen down on Break's head* Shut up, Break.

Break: *rubs head* Itte…

Sharon: *giggles* But, yes, basically.

Joanie: Alright then, now we move onto DancingWithTheImaginary's set. First question: If you had to choose between being under Sharon's constant care or having a play-date (term used when two friends/sibling come together and play games like dress up and tea party), which would you choose?

Alice: *pout* These are hard questions.

Joanie: *groans* You'll hate the next one then…

Alice: *goes pale* Oh no. Does it involve the clown?

Joanie: *nods*

Alice: … Can I run?

Joanie: *exasperated face* I wish you could.

Oz: *sharp glare*

Joanie: *tsk* Oh, for crying out loud! Alice, please just answer the question before your manservant kills me.

Alice: Alright… Uh… I'd have a play-date, honestly, Sharon's constant care is too much… way… way… way too much…

Joanie: … You must really hate it.

Alice: Tell me about it.

Joanie: Ermm… the next question.

Alice: Shit.

Joanie: … Kassy, wanna do something about that?

Kassy: *sneaks in and slaps Alice* CUSSING'S BAD.

Alice: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHY DID YOU JUST SLAP ME?

Kassy: *puts a finger to her mouth* That's a secret and you cussed. *eerily disappears into the darkness*

Joanie: … *eyetwitch* O-okay… question two… If you had to either go on a steamy date with Break or drink a bottle of mustard, which would you rather?

Alice: … *screams into a pillow* BOTH OF THEM ARE ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING AND I WANT TO THROW UP.

Joanie: Just pick one, they can't make you do it anyway.

Alice: … Why is that?

Joanie: Because of a certain dare I'm going to have to do that will most likely piss a lot of people off and I will receive endless bounds of hate mail.

Alice: I don't think I want to ask.

Joanie: You don't. Anyway. Which one?

Alice: I guess the date with the clown. *wrinkles nose*

Joanie: *sigh* Okay. Question Three: Who do you want to hit more, Gil or Emily?

Alice: … The seaweedhead. The clown's doll will get different treatment.

Joanie: Okay then. Next question comes from… Comment? Uh, okay then… and they ask: If you had to give Oz or Gil up to Alyss, who would you and why?

Alice: The seaweedhead, no questions asked.

Gil: WHY ME, YOU STUPID RABBIT?

Alice: That. That's why. You're annoying. Go away.

Joanie: *giggles* As if you didn't know, Gil. Kay, next question is from ADOS who asks: If Gil had been sent to the Abyss would you like him more than Oz?

Alice: … That's a very good question, actually… Well, the reason I dislike him is because he's weird and always yells at me and stuff...

Joanie: So that's a no then… Next set is from Fleur de la Lune. Question One: Oz, did you REALLY close your eyes (like a good manservant) while fighting over that last button?

Oz: … *looks over at Alice* Well, we're actually based off the manga… so technically we never fought over that last button, but referring to the anime, yes, I really did close my eyes.

Joanie: Kay. Question Two: Alice, do you like lolita dresses? What kind of loll style do you like the best?

Alice: *sighs* I don't like lolita dresses. I don't even like lolita-style, that's more of a Sharon thing.

Joanie: So, Question Three: Do you want another cat after Cheshire?

Alice: *eyes go wide with shock, wails* Cheeeeeshiiiiiiiiiiiire!

Joanie: *sympathetic face* She's still mourning, I think. Question Four: What sort of information have you learned from Sharon's novels apart from the kissing stuff?

Alice: *goes on to mention a whole bunch of censored stuff while Joanie covers the little childrens' ears.*

Joanie: *shakes head* Question Five: D'you like Yuki Kajiura's music for the anime?

Alice: It's very nice, actually.

Joanie: Mmkay. Question Six: D'you know Rozen Maiden or Kuroshitsuji?

Alice: *nods* Peach-Pit and Yana Toboso. I think Mochizuki-sensei and Toboso-sensei are friends? I dunno.

Joanie: Kay, next one's from emichii, and they ask, Do you know about One Piece? Would you become meat-eating companions with Luffy?

Alice: What? Who? *stares blankly*

Joanie: Ah, nevermind then, I guess. next set comes from aLmaaa. Question One: Tell me 10 nicknames of Gil, Oz, Break, and Sharon.

Alice: Let's start with the seaweedhead. Stupid, useless, spaghetti-haired, lame, weird, odd, thick-headed, evil, demon, and mastercon.

Joanie: … Is mastercon even a word?

Alice: It is to me. Next is Oz. Manservant, blondie, useless, stupid, short, clever, immature, insecure, sadist, bdsm freak.

Joanie: … Did you just contradict yourself?

Alice: Hell no, shut up. Next is the clown. Clown, weirdo, freak, crazy ass, red-eyed evil bastard, disgusting, candyman, creep, pedophile, and secret affair man.

Joanie: *giggles* You really don't like him, do you.

Alice: Not a bit. Next is Sharon. Onee-sama, psychotic, sister-complex, romantic, scary crazy lady, subtly threatening, harisen-wielder, creep, evil, clown-lover.

Joanie: Wow. Um. That's like forty nicknames, most of which was contradicting and not even really a nickname…

Alice: CAN IT, SHOTACON.

Joanie: OH SHUT UP, YOU'RE JUST AS MUCH OF A SHOTACON AS I AM. *scoffs and looks pointedly away.* Question Two: If meat could talk, what would you say to it?

Alice: I'm gonna eat you.

Joanie: *facepalm* Of course. Question Three, and the LAST QUESTION! What is the worst thing in Abyss and why?

Alice: _HER_, BECAUSE SHE'S ANNOYING, AWKWARD, AND EVIL.

Joanie: DONE. FINALLY.

And now for the dares.

1) Tantei S: Enter Alice && Oz into the X Factor and make them sing a mushy, gooey love song well-suited for Valentine's day

Alice: So...why is my manservant here again?

"Joanie": Well...I thought that as your best friend in the whole wide world, you'd want to show off your wonderful singing voice so I enrolled you in X Factor...but it requires two people so I got your manservant to join.

Alice: So long as I get to choose the song.

"Joanie": Uh, no. Actually, it's all um... pre-planned. So here's your song, learn it, and break a leg!

_Camera goes black and reopens to a stage. You're obviously sitting in some kind of chair that shows a perfect view of said stage._

Announcer man of awesomeness: Alright, due to bribery and convenience, the first pair to go up is Alice and Oz.

_Alice and Oz walk out. Alice looks extremely pissed and ready to kill someone, looking pointedly at the camera._

Announcer man of awesomeness: Ready? Hit the music aaaaaaand...go!

Alice: _*sounding extremely stiff and reading off a piece of paper*_

**They say we're young and we don't know**

**We won't find out until we grow**

Oz: * sounding completely into it, though slightly offkey *

**Well I don't know if all that's true**

**'Cause you got me, and baby I got you.**

**Babe...**

Alice: _* bluuuuuuuush *_

Both of them: **I got you babe. I got you babe.**

Alice:

**They say our love won't pay the rent**

**Before it's earned, our money's all been spent**

Oz:

**I guess that's so, we don't have a pot**

**But at least I'm sure of all the things we got.**

**Babe**

Both:

**I got you babe**

**I got you babe**

Oz:

**I got flowers in the spring**

**I got you to wear my ring**

Alice:

**And when I'm sad you're a clow—**YOU'RE THE PIERROT!

_Camera shuts off, knowing this won't be going anywhere good._

2) DancingWithTheImaginary: Alice must steal Break's candy supply (easy), and tell the Cheshire Cat that she loves him and wants him to be only her cat again.

_Camera opens to reveal a green-tinted dark space._

Joanie: *whispers* Yo, shortie.

Alice: *hisses* WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORTIE? GO DIE!

Joanie: *whispers* I would, except, you have to go steal something, and I have to record it.

Alice: … What am I stealing?

Joanie: The candyman's candy.

Alice: … *grins*

_Camera closes and reopens to show Alice in her ninja outfit with her hair tied up._

Alice: Alright, here goes nothing.

_Alice sneaks to the kitchen and opens a small cupboard where a jar of candy sits. She takes it and heads back into the room._

Break: *who is sitting on a chair in her room, looking extremely pissed-but-not-showing-it-on-his-face* Miss Alice. What are you doing with my secret candy reserves?

Alice: I stole it, you clown.

Break: And WHY did you do that, Miss Alice?

Alice: Because I hate you.

_Camera suddenly goes all static-y and shuts off abruptly._

_Camera opens up to a wooden door, the imagine bouncing as if the holder is jumping up and down._

Alice: Oh God... you look like a two year old I'm taking to a toy store.

"Joanie": I know! Ring the doorbell already! Ring it ring it ring it ring it ring it ri-

Alice: SHUT UP! * rings the door bell* Oi! Open up! It's me, your merciful master!

_Door slowly opens, revealing Cheshire._

"Joanie": ! * glomps to floor and cuddles* I MISSED YOOOU! AND I'M TAKING YOU HOME WITH ME AND-

Alice: GET OFF MY CAT! *pulls "Joanie"off * Jeez. I'm pretty sure that classifies as bestiality.

Cheshire: Nyah? Alice? Is it really you?

Alice: *glomps Cheshire to floor* Yeah and I want you to be my kitty again! Forever and ever! And I won't leave you this time! I promise! * straddles* AND THAT'S AN ORDER!

Cheshire: Q.Q I'LL BE YOUR KITTY!

"Joanie": Be my kitty too? D:

Alice: Screw off! It clearly said that he was to be my kitty! Right Cheshire?

Cheshire: Right, nyah~

3) Nbvarocks: Alice kisses Break.

Alice: NO. I'M NOT DOING IT.

"Joanie" : but...the laws of fictional character getting written by the almighty clearly states you must...

Alice: It's the clown!

"Joanie": Yes...and many girls would kill to have your spot right now. In fact, I'm sure quite a few boys would too.

Alice: ...

"Joanie": You know, if you don't do this, I'll make you spontaneously die.

Alice: ... * walks into the living room where Break is, reading a questionable magazine of some sort *

Break: Oh! Miss Alice! Are you here to make me jealous again?~

Alice: It's only because I'm so amazing that you'd be jealous, clown! Look over there for a second, will you?

Break: * turns around * Oh... Alice wants to get ready for me~

Alice: TCH! IM GONNA-

"Joanie" * pushes Alice onto Break * Get it over with. It's making me a sad panda having to have to watch you do this.

Break: Eh? Do what?

Alice: *kisses Break! ...on the cheek.*

Break: Alice! It's about time you finally confessed!

Alice: GAH! STUPID CLOWN! I'M NOT CONFESSING! I'M DOING WHAT THIS STUPID PIECE OF STUPID PAPER TOLD ME TO DO! * promptly begins smashing Break's face in *

Emily: ...lol.

4) COMMENT: Kiss Gil in front of Oz and say you love Gil.

_Camera opens to Alice's bedroom at 8 in the morning._

Joanie: Oh, AAAAALIIIIIIIIIIICEEEEEEEEEEE~!

Alice: *rubs eyes grumpily* Whaaat.

Joanie: You have a daaaaaaaare~~

Alice: Lo and behold, I do. Well? What is it?

Joanie: *sparkling eyes* Kiss Gil in front of Oz and say you love him.

Alice: WHAT? I'M NOT DOING THAT, THAT'S BLASPHEMY!

Joanie: *singsong* You haaaaave to~! It's a daaaaaaare!

Alice: *scoffs* Fine. Whatever. Bring them in.

*Gil and Oz enter*

Gil: What's happening?

Oz: Why'd you call us in here?

Alice: *rolls eyes* Seaaaaaweedhead~ *jumps on his back* I love you, niichan. *kisses his cheek and then hops down* Happy?

Gil: WHAT? *blushing* WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID RABBIT?

Alice: I did it already, idiot seaweed-hair.

Oz: *fuming* What. was. that. Alice?

Alice: *points to Gil* He's older, isn't he? So he's my niichan.

Joanie: Um, actually, I think you're technically older…

Alice: Whatever.

_Camera shuts off because something is going to happen and it ain't gonna be pretty._

5) ADOS: Make Gil and Alyss kiss.

_Camera opens to a view of the pathway to Alyss's room._

Joanie: If this is even possible, it'll be a Christmas miracle.

Alice: Tell me about it. *dragging Gil with her*

Gil: Where are you taaaaaking me?

Alice: Shut up, seaweed-head, we're going to see my sister.

Gil: *pales* Th-th-th-the W-w-w-w-w-will of the A-a-a-a-abyss?

Joanie: *cheerfully* That's riiiiight~ *pulls aside a curtain* We're here~!

Alyss: *gasps in surprise* To what do I owe this unexpected visit?

Alice: *throws Gil at her* Here. Kiss 'im.

Alyss: Oh, my. KISS him? I'm afraid I can't do that, I'm a lady, you see.

Joanie: Don't tell me…

Sharon: Hellooo~!

Joanie: *facepalms* Wonderful.

Alice: Oh great, it's her.

Gil: *shocked senseless*

Alice: Just kiss him.

Alyss: … It didn't specify where, did it?

Joanie: Not exactly, but the wording was a little…

Alyss: *sighs* Well, in that case. *walks over to Gil and kisses his cheek* Now, please take your leave. I'm waiting for Jack.

Alice: Suuuuuuure you are, ya loony bin. *makes a cuckoo motion by her head*

Joanie: *nudges Alice forward and drags Gil out*

_Camera shuts off after being handled by one hand._

6) aLmaaa: Tell all of Alice's secrets to Alyss and then ask Alyss to tell all of her secrets too.

_Camera opens to Alice in front of Alyss's door._

Alice: Do I really have to do this?

Joanie: You have no choice.

Alice: *sighs* Fine.

Joanie: ALYSS, WE'RE HERE!

Alyss: Honestly, would you people at least CALL first? I'm not prepared for house guests!

Joanie: Sorry…

Alice: *mutters* Well, I'm not.

*Ten minutes later*

Alyss: *smiles* Finally, everything's set up, now please sit, sit.

*Joanie and Alice take a seat in front of Alyss*

Alyss: So what brings you here?

Joanie: Well, you two are going to have a secret swap.

Alice: *sighs* And apparently I have to start. So I —

Alyss: *puts a hand up* I know.

Alice: *frowns* And I also—

Alyss: Cease, Alice. I know it all. You don't need to say anything.

Alice: … I'm scared.

Alyss: Oh, don't be. I'm not scary.

Joanie: Yes you are. You hooked Break's eye out of his socket.

Alyss: *sharply* Hush up. Anyway, I assume I have to tell you a secret now?

Alice: *nods*

Alyss: *crosses her arms* There are none. I don't keep secrets from my sister.

Joanie: *mutters* That's a shock.

Alyss: *coldly* Now please leave.

Joanie: Gosh, you're always kicking us out, Alyss.

Alyss: Now.

Joanie: Fine. *pulls Alice out of the room*

_Camera shuts off._

Tell a story about Sharon to Break and make him cry.

_Camera opens in the living room where Break is sitting reading his questionable magazine again._

Joanie: … Break can't cry.

Break: Hm? I can't what?

Joanie: *pulls Alice up* Alice has a story to tell you.

Alice: What? I do?

Joanie: *nods* About Sharon.

Alice: Oh right. I do.

Break: Well, let's hear it.

Alice: *tells Break a story about Sharon that is wrought with despair, BL-fangirling, and fantasies involving him*

Break: … *bursts into laughter*

Alice: HEY, WHAT'S SO FUNNY, CLOWN!

Break: *laughing so hard that he's crying, waves his hand in front of his face*

Alice: Stupid clowny bastard.

Joanie: Well, you did the dare, technically.

Alice: *smiles* I did, didn't I.

_Camera shuts off._

7) Fan of Games: Let Alice Go.

_Camera opens to a view outside, whereupon Joanie puts the camera down so that it can still see the view but so that she can be in the picture too._

Joanie: *smiles* Kay then, this is the end.

Alice: What? What're you talking about?

Oz: … What are you doing?

Joanie: I'm ending the fic. Duh.

Oz: … Why are you doing that?

Joanie: Well, one, because I've lost my inspiration, and two, because this reviewer told me to, in a sense.

Alice: TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON!

Joanie: You can leave, Alice.

Alice: … I can what?

Joanie: I said, you can leave.

Oz: No she can't.

Joanie: Yes she can.

Oz: *narrows eyes* No, she CAN'T.

Joanie: Haven't you learned ENOUGH?

Oz: One can never have too much knowledge.

Joanie: Is that right.

Oz: *nods*

Joanie: Okay, Barma. Take off the disguise, your little game is over.

Oz: *catlike grin* Very clever. Very clever, my dear.

_*AND PULLS OFF THE DISGUISE TO REVEAL THE RED-HAIRED DUKE!*_

Alice: OH NO DON'T TELL ME. YOU WERE PRETENDING TO BE MY MANSERVANT THE ENTIRE TIME?

Barma: Well, no, not the entire time. Just for a few moments. He was in on it, by the way. Everyone was.

Alice: *pales* Everyone everyone?

Joanie: … EVERYONE EVERYONE.

Alice: … I'm going home.

Joanie: *nods* Alright.

Alice: It's been fun. I think. Minus being subject to the fetishes of the fangirls and boys.

Oz: *[yes, the real one this time.] offers Alice his arm which she hooks her arm through*

*And they walk off into the sunset*

_Camera turns off, never to reopen again._

—

A/N: How awesome of an ending was that?

…

*bursts into tears* NO MATTER HOW ANNOYING IT WAS TO WRITE THIS, I'M GOING TO MISS THE FEELING OF SATISFACTION WHEN I COMPLETE A CHAPTER AND GET AMAZING AWESOME REVIEWS AND I SHALL MISS EVERYONE SO MUCH.

They do say that all good things must come to an end… It was a little sooner than I'd anticipated, but it's over. No more questions, no more dares.

Thank you so much, everyone, for alerting, favoring, and reviewing. It means so much.

And thanks to RevansRubber Duck Darth Nimble for helping me with the dares and being such an awesome friend. I'll send you a yaoi paddle one day, I promise.

And now, from the bottom of my heart, I bid you all adieu…

Until the next story.

~Joanie~


End file.
